How To Avoid Unwanted Advances At The Bar: A Primer For Party Girls

Let me paint a picture of a normal scenario for you. I’ll try to keep it brief. Girl gets all dressed up for a night out at the bars with her girlfriends. Girl is already a bit tipsy by the time she gets to the bar but “Just can’t even” until she gets a drink in her hand at said bar. While squeezing her way towards the bartender, she is accosted by an undesirable man offering to buy her a drink. End scene.

Now what? Ladies, I’m directing this towards you. You KNOW it’s wrong to accept this drink from him. Because let’s be honest, either you or your parent’s credit card can afford this one drink. I know how hard it is to turn this drink down, because tipsy you definitely wants to be drunk you, and this is one drink in the right direction.

But I promise this drink he’s offering to buy isn’t worth the trouble. So you are rational human being and say, “No thanks, I’ve got this one.” Or maybe you say “Thanks, but I’m good for now.” If he was also a rational person, he’d understand that this is polite rejection and will walk away. But none of us are rational when alcohol is involved. And he’s probably not going to give up that easily. Every man likes a bit of a challenge. And you’ve just laid down the gauntlet of all challenges. Or maybe YOU weren’t the rational one and you were an evil bitch who accepted his drink with no intention of following up conversation or showing further interest in him. We’ve all been guilty of it.

Let’s say he still buys you that drink, whether you’ve turned him down or not. The drink he bought with his money is now in your hands. By no means are you obligated to keep talking to him or do anything further with him. It’s rude not to, but you’re still not required to do anything. Now that that is clear, let’s continue with the story. You’ve taken the drink and are now trying to get away from his attention.

But by now, he thinks that you are interested because you accepted the drink. You’re in some real shit now. He’s going to try to dance with you all night, try to keep buying you more drinks, try to go home with you, try to get your number to meet up again. And honestly, this is all your fault. You didn’t forcefully make it clear you weren’t interested. You accepted the drink which gave him reasonable belief that you wanted to spend time with him. He’s not a creep for making further advances throughout the night if you didn’t explicitly say you weren’t interested.

So now that you’ve dug yourself in this hole and he most likely has your number because either drunk you didn’t feel like being a bitch or there was no way of getting out of giving him your number, he’s texting you days later to meet up again. Maybe even relentlessly texting you like a needy 13 year old girl in some extreme cases. And let’s be real, there are only so many emergencies one can have before being unreasonable.

At this point, there is only one acceptable way to navigate these unwanted advances and laying them to rest once and for all: be the so-called bitch who says she’s not interested whatsoever despite misleading actions from nights before and you can’t handle this level of clinginess. You might be a bitch now, but at least you’re being honest and righting your wrongs from drunken nights past. And trust me, this will do the trick of getting him to stop being delusional about your intentions.

Remember: the cycle of leading guys on begins and ends with you.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

featured image – Sex And The City

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