1. They have bad breath. All the time.
2. The only conversations they’re capable of having revolve around video games, sports, the gym, and your high school/college drunk escapades. It’s fun for a bit, but really, let’s move on to the real talk.
3. They only talk about themselves, and never show any interest in what you have to say unless it’s a question about them or a compliment towards them.
4. When you go out to drink, they turn into this loud mouthed, violently primitive drunken asshole. Every time.
5. Their vocabulary is sadly at a third grade level.
6. They have a man-child complex. This includes, but is not limited to, having an apartment/house that looks like a bomb erupted in it, having a weird Oedipus-like co-dependent relationship with their mother, throwing tantrums under any circumstances, etc.
7. They ask if you want to go out sometime and then follow that question up with asking “So, where do you want to go/what do you want to do?”
8. They complain about and insult their exes. They might be trying to convey that they’ve totally moved on, but really it’s just showing their own immaturity.
9. They’re rude. And not just rude to you. They’re rude to everyone around you, throwing insults at the waiter, at the couple at the next table over, at the crying baby in the restaurant, at the old woman who crossed the street too slowly. Seriously, stop it.
10. They complain. About everything. The entire time. Oh, they hate your job? The bar/restaurant is too crowded? The heat/air isn’t just the right temperature for them? That’ll be $200 dollars for the therapy session you’ve just provided them, because under no circumstances should anyone ever call this a date.
11. They’re incredibly pessimistic.
12. They’re overly self-deprecating.
13. They have zero goals/aspirations.
14. They use words like ‘swag’ and ‘yolo.’
15. They openly call themselves an asshole. There’s a difference between asshole-asshole and funny-asshole. I can only assume they’re trying to be a funny-asshole, in which case they think way too highly of themselves.
16. Being nervous is kind of cute. However, if they’re still nervous after three very successful dates, during which you did everything you could to make them comfortable, it’s not cute anymore. It’s annoying and indicates a lack of confidence and profound anxiety problems.
17. They’re racist/homophobic/misogynistic and they actually KNOW it. And then proceed to try to justify it to you. And when they realize you’re not going to complacently accept their point of view and chalk it up to “just being a guy” like they were hoping you would, they then proceed to either A) ask if you’re a feminist like it’s a bad thing, or B) tell you that you’re being uptight and they like their “traditional views.”
18. If it gets to the point where it’s okay to ask about politics/religion, they tell you that they have absolutely no opinions and couldn’t care less about that stuff. A man who has no opinions about important issues is incredibly dull and ignorant in my mind. It’s fine if you don’t want to actively participate in government/religion but at least be able to back it up with actual reasons beyond saying “It’s stupid.”
19. If they don’t have an opinion on ANYTHING, it indicates a lack of concern for bettering one’s mind and. Don’t take part in idiocy.
20. They have no manners.
21. They openly admit that they think they’re better than everyone around them. It’s great to be confident, but putting others down isn’t confidence, it’s actually a really low self-esteem. Claiming that you think everyone is an idiot shows something about you, not them. There’s a way to show that you have a high intellect, but I promise it’s not by putting others down.
22. They unload overly personal information on you way too early. I don’t need to know your complete medical history on the first date. Nor do I need to know the intricacies of your mommy issues on the second date.
23. They ask you how big your boobs are. Actually, if they ask you any profusely personal sexual question. This is not conversation you hold over dinner or on a first date.
24. They’re tacky.
25. At any point during the date, they insult you. In my experience, this usually comes in the form of a backhanded compliment or telling me something I have an interest in is stupid. Telling me I’m “cute for a bigger girl” when I’m actually a normal weight is more off-putting than I can put into words.
26. They have a restraining order against them.
27. They’ve been arrested for aggravated assault. Against their ex-girlfriend.
28. They tell you halfway through the date that they’re married with kids. Still doesn’t fly if they’re separated. Not going to happen.
29. They’re a religious fanatic. It’s great to have faith, but if you begin condemning people to hell and start ranting about the apocalypse, I don’t see a future where a relationship between us is going to work.
30. If you don’t have a physical attraction to them. I’ll never actually tell you this is the reason I’m not interested anymore, but if you’re able to put two and two together, you’re not allowed to call me shallow or vain. If I’m repulsed by the idea of putting my mouth on yours, it’s not going to work and I’m doing both of us a favor. This doesn’t mean that the only thing I look for is physical beauty; I actually put more value on mental beauty. However, both must exist in a relationship.