8 Things I Learned When You Broke My Heart

1. You can’t convince someone to love you.

You are the universe in one drop, a sparkle of desire, a fountain of beauty and imagination. The person you deserve will see you for the blessing you are and fall in love with all that you represent. It is not your job to convince someone that you are theirs, that you have been created to finish their picture, and that you are worth each second of their gaze. You are not to be passed by; you are to be cherished and loved from the bottom of your soul upwards. You deserve to be appreciated for simply existing and anyone who cannot see the sparkle in your eyes and cherish the lilt in your laugh is not worthy of the gem that is your heart. Hand that crystal to someone who believes it is the most precious in the world; it is safest in their hands for they will not be willing to shatter it.

2. Memories sting.

Each memory of her is steeped in poison and prickles, poking and prodding your heart as you sit amongst tears and darkness asking yourself why happiness is a fleeting whisper. Picture frames of smiles and laughter shatter your soul like crystal glass and you scream at the sky, asking why those memories are associated with her of all people, the person who was not yours, was never yours, and was never meant to stay. But there comes a morning where high definition pictures filled with torrents of agony fade to muted wonderings carrying an underbelly of nostalgia. Memories lose their spikes and instead grow feathers, tickling you in all the wrong places, leaving you sifting through the time you’ll never get back and smiling softly at the happiness that once buzzed in your veins. You realize that happiness will come back, maybe at a different time with a different person, but sugar will flow through your heart, atop your tongue, and you will taste the sweet lemonade that life has to offer again.

3. Be selfish.

Stop living in the shadows of what people expect of you and start breathing air into lungs that fuel your own desires. Go after what you want, take risks, and drown in someone because your two options are ending up broken with sadness or overwhelmed with joy and that 50/50 chance is worth the world. Let yourself chase what is forbidden to you, decide for yourself whether the grass is greener on the other side, and push yourself outside your comfort zone because that’s where life begins. Life is not standing still, waiting and wishing for your dreams to come true; life is dancing through the rain and chasing the end of a rainbow for the fabled pot of gold. If they say there’s no chance, challenge them. Fight until your last breath, until you can stand proud and say that you took destiny into your own hands and that satisfaction is one that cannot be replicated and is something that no one can take away from you.

4. Don’t regret her.

She is not a mistake, a smudge of ink on the page, or a story to keep hidden. She is a lesson to be learned, a time of discovery, a kiss that stays on your lips in echoes and moonbeams. Every moment with her was a moment you learned about your place in the world, be it by her side or on your own. She is a ring on your aging tree of life, growing stronger and wider with roots burrowing into the ground as you bloom towards heaven itself, reaching for each tiny star that sparkles above your horizons. Experience is always welcome, no matter whose body it inhabits. Let her leave marks on you, both visible and invisible, because they become a treasure map, a connect-the-dots for the next pirate who dares to steal your heart of treasure. Love is a lens that falls upon all our eyes and without rosy pink glasses that tinge with blue and despair ever so often, the world would not be as colorful and its beauty would not shine. Appreciate her. She is a crayon and the world is your coloring book.

5. It is okay to separate yourself from reality.

It is okay to curl up in your bed and sleep for hours. It is okay to look at a sunny day and curse its existence when all you hear above you is rumbles of thunder and showers of rain. Ice cream is not numbers on a scale, nor is it a wave of judgment that need drown you in its wake. The walls of your room are not always the confines of a prison, but instead can be the shelter from the clumps of sand that blind your eyes and grate in your lungs. All masterpieces need time to be made whole. You are a masterpiece and each moment you are alive, you are painting yourself into the universe by simply breathing. Pay no attention to the ignorant and the self-righteous because the paintbrush is in your hands and the canvas will be painted as per your wishes. Taking time for yourself is neither a crime nor an embarrassment; it is a luxury you can afford because like all beautiful things in life, it is free.

6. It takes time.

The gashes on your heart will not heal in seconds, in minutes, in days, or even weeks. Lose your expectations of how much time it takes to “move on” because letting go of someone you love is sawing off a piece of your soul with a jagged knife that cuts slowly and bleeds profusely when there are no bandages in the medicine cabinet or soft hands to put pressure on the wound. Your pain is not comparable to those who have loved longer and lost more because love is love and the absence of it cuts to the very core no matter how long it has wrapped around you like a snake, hugging you tightly in warmth to the point where your breaths are short and fast but in an instant, your windpipe can be crushed and your body can shatter, leaving you to crumble to the ground, an empty shell. It will look like you cannot stand again and it will seem like there is no hope in finding a passion that will not break you into fragments, but I promise that if you keep breathing and fighting to stand and stretch your worn muscles, a fireplace will seep into your bones and warm you from the inside out because you are filled with power and strength and every fire can be rekindled to bring light and warmth again.

7. You don’t owe anyone anything.

You don’t owe her an explanation, a goodbye, or an answer. She doesn’t owe you an apology. Her chapter in your novel has been completed and there are no post scripts that need appear in later acts. Your responsibility is nurturing yourself back to health. It is not your job to oversee her recovery and it not her obligation to keep record of yours. Standing on your own two feet will be a recurring task throughout your life and people are not wooden canes that stay sturdy underneath your palm, but instead they are bars of soap that slip out of your fingers after leaving their scent all over your body while you wonder if` you are really clean when you smell them all over your fingertips. As for the people who grow irate with your sadness and tell you that it only rains because you are too weak to bring out the sun, tell them to check the weather forecast because your rain causes the plants to grow and the forests to thrive but it also drowns the moronic and suffocates the shallows. Then push them into the ocean so that they understand what it feels like to drown but also what it feels like to survive.

8. Believe.

“Hope is the thing with feathers.” It will fly away in the gusts of turmoil but it will always return to you if you tame the winds. One broken heart does not equal the loss of a happy ending but it does lead you closer to ever after. Every thought you put into the universe is reciprocated with action and if your thoughts lack faith in the happiness that lies beyond reach, the universe will pull you further away from it rather than push you towards it. Don’t stop believing in your fairy tale and don’t lose faith in what you deserve. Every prince and princess fights dragons and demons and witches and monsters to finally find their happy ending. You are the queen of your own universe and without you, the world would spin differently. You are someone’s happy ending, a resolution to their fairy tale, and their reason to fight their battles. Believe in the stars and the brightness you emit because you are leading a sailor to shore and you are lighting up the darkness for a traveler on the path. You are the end destination while you are seeking your own and that is why love is beautiful; a person becomes your rest stop along the hike up the mountain and one day, you will reach the last station and become home for someone who sees you as the happiness you have been seeking all along. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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