There are many times when I sit alone reflecting on the life I have lived. Though young, I astonish myself so often. It is as though a mental visionary photo album stores itself upon the bookshelf within my mind. Whether I want to remove it from the shelf or not is a choice I rarely have. A single noise, smell or image – all seem to hold a special key to this album. With such grace yet absolute manipulation, the key is entered, twisted and the album unlocks. Images begin to unfold. Memories.
I believe that I speak for everyone in saying that we all have memories we never want to forget. We cherish them for thousands of reasons. Some are ones that fill our souls with the greatest happiness. Whilst, others remind of us of how our souls felt as though they’d been ripped in two. These are probably the memories most wish to forget. Perhaps this is because pain and sorrow are frightful emotions. Why would we want to hold onto them? A question I would ask many people if I had never experienced heartbreak in any form. Though, because I have… in many different unimaginable ways, I have really found the importance of holding onto both good and bad memories.
So, as we are talking memories, I’d like to ask you to do something.
Close your eyes… imagine a time you just so truly wish to forget, but can’t. Do it now. Let yourself be uncomfortable for just a few minutes. Hold me accountable and scream at me through the screen you are reading if it really goes deep…
Assuming you have done just what I asked, please now breathe… become calm again. For you have overcome the hellish time that often obstructs your mind. These memories may haunt you. They may make you want to never feel another thing. Hell, they probably make you want to punch somebody in the face.
But, don’t you see? Don’t you see, that although you went through a living nightmare – you have come to the end?
Perhaps, you are still going through a time and it is not yet a memory.
But you are here. You are reading this. You are still living. You have made another day.
Now, if you don’t realize that alone is magnificent, then my dear virtual friend you are far too hard on yourself.
Many times, when I have come to moments where I have felt both mentally and physically drained, something incredible has happened. The view in front of me turned from doom and gloom to a bright blue sky filled with chirping free flying birds – with just one connection.
The smile shared with an innocent silly child. The warm furry hug of a beloved animal. The pat on the back from a very masculine man at work who says, “come on girl”. The inspiring quote you see on Instagram. The friends who become delivery girls to make sure you’re getting your 5-a-day. The partner who says, “I believe in you”. The homeless person who so gratefully accepts your donation of a huge chocolate chip cookie. Your siblings who remind you of the crazy child you once were. The cups of your favorite teas.
These are connections that spur you on during negative times. These are the experiences that help you to regain your strength. They help you to believe in yourself. To feel utterly grateful for what you have/have had. They may only fix your view on the world for some time.
But often, it is only something so sweet and short that you need to regain humanity.
Life without hard times would not be life at all.
All the negativity I have ever had, has given me such an enormous sense of livelihood. For this, I will be forever grateful. I sure as hell do not welcome any further heartache, but I sure as hell know that with the power I now have through true life experiences – I can take on anything.
So, although some wish their memories to be forgotten… I wish to never forget mine. For they have taught me the greatest lessons of all.
I have learned to turn them into mystics of magic… for their unpredicted, unwelcomed, unwanted storylines – that they have forced upon me and successfully made the strongest character of.