Christmas season is upon us. Everyone’s pulling out their decorations, planning out Holiday trips, and discussing which relatives are coming over. Hell, someone’s even planning on kissing under the mistletoe.
And then there’s you. You love holidays. Typically you’d be just as excited as most of the people you know, but not this year. This year, November is over and your house remains undecorated. You haven’t bought any gifts for your parents, siblings, or anyone, actually. There’s no red cheerful outfit planned out. There’s no turkey on the freezer waiting to be roasted on the 25th. The Christmas tree remains in storage under the stairs.
Because the raw truth is that there isn’t much to celebrate this year.
Your father isn’t home—he’s most likely out there inside another woman’s embrace.
Your mom could very well be sent to Mars and still not blink over it, as her own sadness for not being able to control how life pulls even the best families apart consumes her.
Your little brother continues to be oblivious to everything that’s happening. And for him and him only, you feel like making the effort to keep it okay. For him, you feel like lighting the Christmas tree and putting up the stockings would fix everything, or at least make it feel like it. But it won’t. Everything you knew to be your reality is just scattered around the place, and no one’s even making an effort to build it back up.
You don’t feel the warmth that Christmas used to bring to your home. How could you? You are still restless, even if you get 11 hours of sleep. What’s 11 hours of sleep when there’s three of hearing fights and hate distributed just for the sake of hurting the other?
Can it be restored? You wonder and wonder. Question. Think. You move through the sleepless nights and fluctuate through work, university, and life.
The fairy lights won’t be lit up this year.