My relationship with God in the last year has been rocky, chaotic, and scattered. It has been filled with a lot of questions, hard conversations, and emotional puzzle pieces. It has left me in awe and has shaken me to my core. I have avoided spirituality but craved it fully.
I have often wondered in the last 365 days what God has in store for me. Did he have a life that was already planned, one where I was simply just walking the paths he already built, or was my life slowly developing over time to evolve into something much greater? Did he truly have exact ways of thinking, or was his mind flexible and his heart understanding? I ached to know God for exactly who he was, and I ached for him to know me for exactly who I was.
I traveled a variety of spiritual paths on my quest to know more, to dive deeper. All of my life, I had seen things one way, and I had put God in a box. I had decided that this was who he was and nothing more. I didn’t allow myself to travel into the unknown with God, and I didn’t let him lead me to places I had never been before. I never thought that God would intentionally take you into the unknown, a place where you would question him. I always thought that God followed a script and that his mind was made up. I thought that if you missed a step, or if you changed your mind, then you had failed his plan, that you had left it. I never thought that God liked wandering.
However, my mindset has completely changed. I see God in the wandering. I see him wandering with me. I see him helping me discover new ideas and a new me. I see him healing my soul in ways that I never anticipated, but in ways that are authentic and personal. I am seeing him in my wandering.
Sometimes we don’t allow God to come on our journey with us. We don’t allow him to be a part of our own personal revolutions and mountains, and we disclose him as someone who is only available to us when we have made up our minds or when we are absolute. We don’t engage in the wandering or in the unknown of our spirituality because we crave security. We don’t dive deeper into our questions or the things that are keeping us up at night because we fear failure. We don’t let the plan change because we believe that it has to stay the same for him.
I want to let God wander with me. I want to let him stand by me as I let life unfold, and I want him to lead me to unexpected places. I want him to show me new mindsets and souls. I want him to help my heart lean onto new experiences and new feelings. I want him to join me as I navigate through each season of life. I want him to adventure with me into the unknown, and in fact, I want him to lead me there. I want him to take me to where I don’t know the answer, to where I don’t know the solution so that I can grow, and see him more fully. I want him to take me to the wandering.
I hope that you will let God find you in your wandering. I hope that you won’t leave him behind, but that you will let him open your eyes to the world that is right in front of you. I hope that you will walk into the unknown and feel what you’re feeling, and I hope that you find him in that space. I hope that you won’t run from the unknown anymore, but that you will jump with both feet into it. Let him lead you through the adventure of the things you are afraid of, and let his grace unfold to show you a life you never expected. Find God in the corners of life that you never anticipated, and run to him with the joy of soul-searching. Give him the power to show you that things can be different and that the future can change. Believe in his heart and mind, and trust in his ability to surprise you with pieces that will bring you home.
Let God wander with you this time. Let him show you the unknown, and wander through it aimlessly, purposely, and wildly together.