Having feelings for someone in a relationship is one of the most difficult experiences that you will face. This is because you know that this person cannot love you like you want them to. Because even if they do, they can’t express it. Because they have an attachment with someone else; a history with someone they do love, or loved very much at one point. And even if their relationship is faltering, there still remains that history…that story between the two of them. A story that they cannot easily let go of.
Having feelings for someone in a relationship is painful because every time you look in adoration or desire towards that person, you know that they are looking at someone else like that. Someone who is not you. Someone else has their heart. They are looking at someone else with adoration. They are looking at someone else with desire. They are looking at someone else with pure, intangible love. It is the way you want to be looked at by this person. It is what you daydream about on your ride to work, while you’re sitting at your desk, and what you think about right before you fall asleep at night.
When you have feelings for someone in a relationship, you think about them in the most selfish of ways. Your fantasies are of them breaking up with the ones that they love, and catching feelings for you. You create stories of how one day they will pull you aside, tell you they broke up with their significant other, and then kiss you. And everything will be perfect. They will fall out of love with their previous relationship and fall right into love with you. It would be that easy. It would be that simple. But that is just your fantasy. Because it is not morally right to want someone to break up with the person they love. It is almost foul to think about how happy you would be if they left the person that they are with. But the feelings you have for them make you want it to happen so bad. Make you forget how awful it is to break two people up, just because you want this person so badly for yourself.
Having feelings for someone in a relationship makes you feel unwanted. But then you have to remind yourself that it isn’t you. It is them. This time, it really is them. Because you did not come into this situation meaning to fall for them; it just happened. You cannot control who you develop feelings for. How were you supposed to know they were in a committed relationship if it was never mentioned in your conversations before? How were you supposed to know that they had a significant over, even though when they looked at you, you felt like you were something special? That just doesn’t make sense. But now that you know that they are in love with someone else, you feel differently. Because you thought that they wanted you. Until you realized that they couldn’t want you. Because they already want someone else. But don’t worry. It is not you. It is really not you.
Frankly, having feelings for someone in a relationship really sucks. You want to be friends with this person but it is so hard. Because then you get the wrong idea and you just put more fantasies in your head of you two being together. It hurts enough that they are in a relationship, but to know that they don’t want you? To know you’re not wanted because someone else has already taken that spot, is what hurts most of all. Because if someone doesn’t like you, for you, then you can get over that. Whatever, they didn’t deserve you anyway then. But this isn’t even because you two don’t mesh well. Because you do. And you have amazing conversations, and you laugh together, and they treat you like a true friend. But someone has already taken the spot that you now want. Someone beat you to it. How are you supposed to come between that? How are you supposed to steal that spot from someone who has been there for years?
When you have feelings for someone in a relationship, everything gets way too complicated. Your thoughts and feelings are constantly exploding all around you. You have no idea which direction you should turn. You can stay friends with them and suffer knowing that is all you’ll be. Or you can slowly release them from your life. Either way, you are setting yourself up for getting hurt. There are always so many possibilities of what could happen, so how do you handle them all?
What if you know that this person has a purpose in your life? What if you know, you just KNOW that something more is supposed to come from this? Then what do you do? What do you think at this point? Because you know there is something there and…maybe the other person knows as well, but it is not the right time. What happens then?
If you have feelings for someone in a relationship…you shouldn’t. It really, truly, only causes pain, and confusion and desperate longing. Take it from me…don’t put yourself in that position.