Dear Stripper: How Do I Get Extras?

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How common is it for strippers to give a little extra while doing a private dance? And how does one appropriately inquire about such services?

Holy Pandora’s Box this is about to open.

Months back, my favorite sex worker blog, published a few articles that led to a raging online debate within the community about what we call “extras girls.” I read tons of entries by women either defending being extras girls, or attacking it. Personally, I resent extras girls and I resent men that ask for extras. In fact, a major reason that I dance where I do is because this club is extremely clean.

When dancers do more than just dance for the same amount of money, it messes with my business, and I’m not okay with that. Let me define “messes with my business”: it makes customers more grabby, and constantly pressure me for more. This makes my work environment very uncomfortable, and I’ve done this for too long to stand for it. You’re in a strip club, not a brothel. Backpage, Craigslist, and massage parlors are probably where you want to go. If you insist on asking a girl for more, just be polite, and understanding if her reaction is less than favorable.

How much money do you make in a night?

Sometimes I lose money coming to work. After paying the shift fee and the mandatory tip outs, I can actually lose money. That happened two nights ago. But I have made over a thousand dollars in a day. Sometimes those two types of days happen close to each other and it’s maddening.

I’ve gotten onstage and left with nary a dollar, and I’ve gotten onstage and got “rained on” so hard that I could hardly see the stage under all the money. Sometimes I think I’m addicted to the uncertainty of the hustle. It’s like gambling. I’d say strippers nationwide are taking home $200-600 right now. The recession hit us really hard, and I’m glad we’re climbing out. Like, I used to tell people, “If you can’t afford to keep your mortgage or your lights on, you can’t afford a lap dance.”

Do you ever go in the back room?

Yes, absolutely! That’s where the money is! When someone asks me if I want to go to VIP, I want to give them a high five. Where I work isn’t smarmy; the “back room” is all open with mirrors and cameras galore. There’s also a staff member (always a woman- holler!) monitoring.

What does your significant other say about stripping?

My two most serious boyfriends I’ve had while dancing thought about my work in polar opposite ways. One boyfriend I had was a musician, who worked in and around strip clubs for nearly a decade to pay the bills. He almost exclusively dated strippers, and saw what I do as a business, a thing I did, not my identity. The other one would say things like “but you’re so smart! I can’t handle the idea of them not knowing that! They’re looking at you like a piece of meat!” He was convinced all my customers have no idea that I’m actually smart and funny, in addition to being in various stages of undress, writhing around. He never tried to get me to quit, though, and I probably wouldn’t have anyways.

For me, and a lot of dancer friends of mine, dating is hard. I’ll totally cop to being on a dating site and using Tinder, and here’s why: when the rest of the world is at play (nights and weekends,) I am at work. It makes it excruciatingly hard to meet people. Not to mention, not everyone is going to be as jazzed about my line of work as my twerking-enthusiast friends. It’s an incredibly cruel twist of cosmic irony that I earn my money making people want me, and usually go to bed alone.
TC mark

If you have a burning question for Dear Stripper, send it to strippers@thoughtcatalog.com

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