Dear Stripper: Do You Wipe The Pole Between Dancers?

Welcome to Dear Stripper, a new column that explores the challenging world of twerking for the man.
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Shutterstock

Has anyone you know ever come into the club?

Of course.

I once saw my mother’s ex, and that was probably the worst. Luckily for me, that particular club is three stories high and after I saw him, I hid on the other levels.

I saw a creepy childhood family acquaintance that hadn’t seen me in years. He asked for a dance, and for reasons I’m not unsure of, I obliged.

I’ve seen a former coworker. A friend from college, whom I didn’t recognize until I was spread-eagle in front of his log cabin made of dollars. I’ve seen people from high school.

I’ll never forget these two rich guys I graduated with, asking for discounts on the already cheap dances. I was incensed.

I recently saw a woman from a Gender Studies class who had pursued me on OKCupid prior to that encounter. She left me her card on the tip rail.

This wasn’t the question, but as far as someone I know of coming in? I once met 2/3 of Peter, Bjorn, and John, as well as their opening band, Chairlift. An NFL player (whose name rhymes with Farion Garber,) threw my drink across the table when I told him there was nothing I could provide him for ten dollars at a “classy” topless club once. He then proceeded to instruct me to “suck yo titty like it’s a dick!” I walked away.

Do you wipe the pole of between dancers?

Only if it physically feels greasy (wearing lotion or oil onstage is a SERIOUS offense;) or grimy, or if the girl before me on the list was putting her bare genitals on it. (Climbing of the pole naked- unless done so strategically- is either outright forbidden at all clubs or VERY highly frowned upon.)

What are clients like in general? Business men? Women? Cracked out?

Generally speaking, we strippers use the term “customers,” whereas “client” is the word typically used by prostitutes. I’m just noting industry jargon differences. Customers are as varied as one could possibly imagine: rowdy 20somethings out for a bachelor party (of all different socioeconomic backgrounds,) construction workers, farmers, doctors, students, day laborers, dudes fresh off the golf course, pro athletes, people with despicable standards of personal hygiene, guys in sweatpants, horny middle-aged couples, pimps, prostitutes, bachelorette parties, guys with mullets, suits, etc.

I particularly liked this Hispanic man last week in an all-black shirt with giant neon writing that glowed in the black lights that said “JUST BALL OUT.” He didn’t do any such thing. I saw a mariachi band in full costume not too long ago.

Things that will affect the “type” of customers you see are thus: strip club location (is it right next to the stadium?), ambience of the club and dress code, time of day (lots of strip clubs boast killer lunch specials- here you’ll see the men in suits looking for a steak and a hand job,) and the time of year. Summer season, just like all service industry money, takes a hit when people want to be outside having fun. On the flip side, plenty of strippers will travel to places where hunters or fishermen will be when those openers happen.

How many strippers will go home with a client for the right amount of cash money?

That’s a good question, and I haven’t experienced girls talking openly about hooking very often, even though it’s fairly commonplace.

I challenge the asker of this question the same thing: what’s YOUR price? We all have one. I would be lying if I told you I hadn’t considered it. Student loan bills are no joke. TC mark

If you have a burning question for Dear Stripper, send it to strippers@thoughtcatalog.com

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