If I had a dollar for every time a guy asked me if my best friend was single, I could quit my job and move to France. Sorry to use that cliché but it’s practically true. The constant barrage of questions about the relationship status of someone else while I receive zero of those kinds of questions can’t help but weigh on my conscience and make me wonder, am I invisible to the opposite sex?
It’s not on my mind all the time, but a recent incident made me think of it. A mutual acquaintance (whom I’ve only spoken to in person a few times and had never received a Facebook message from) messaged me to ask if she was single. He had already asked two other people, you see, and they said “no” but her Facebook said otherwise, and well, how could she, goddess of eternal beauty, possibly be single? I kindly replied that no, she is not single, and he said “what a lucky guy.” Yes, lucky indeed. For how could a guy not feel lucky when he can attain such a hot girlfriend?
I’m used to this. I’m the Judy Greer to her Jennifer Garner, always the “friend” never the “leading lady.” I’m in the background, the sidekick, the appetizer, while she is the main event. This trope is played out in movies and I’m here to say it’s true in real life too.
Of course, it’s really not that black and white. My friend, besides being beautiful, is funny, creative, flirtatious, adventurous and so forth. I can see the appeal. I get it. But guys, if you want to date her, ask her yourself! Don’t go through the “friend.” The friend doesn’t always want to be “that friend.”
While a relationship is obviously based off of more than just looks, we all can admit that initial attraction is based solely on the physical. I think this is true for men, especially; hence the “trophy wife” or the 50-year-old guy with the 25-year-old girl. Meaning, some of us just don’t have a fair chance. How many times have we seen a guy dating the most beautiful, but the most boring girl in the room?
Then there’s the fact (backed up by research) that attractive people get what they want. They get dates, promotions, the seat on the Subway. Things are just handed to them. They are perceived as being nice and successful, whether or not their personality matches up.
If I sound bitter, well, it’s because I am. Sometimes I want to throw a tantrum and bang my fists on the ground and scream, “It’s not fair, it’s not fair!” Because really, it isn’t. Why should I, the less attractive friend, the less exciting one, have to field date requests for someone else? I’ve watched for years as my best friend had a stream of dates and boyfriends, seemingly never single, while I was fraught with chronic singleness and dates that led nowhere. She is Helen of Troy, and I’m… Helen Hunt. Such is life.