Stop People Pleasing—You’re Hiding The Real You

People pleasing hides the real you.

I used to be a “yes person.” I used to agree with a lot of the things people said just to avoid conflict, attend all invitations out of FOMO and alter my personality to fit in certain groups…

And the truth is, I didn’t even know I was a yes person until I met my husband.

He didn’t care if he missed out on things or if somebody got upset because he declined their offer. Nothing would ruin his peace of mind. And he always, always made me his priority.

He just had everything figured out.

He knew what were the things that truly mattered in his life and put them above all else. But what I really liked was that he managed to do it without sounding rude or lame or weird when rejecting something, he actually sounded pretty cool and so sure of himself and everybody loved (loves) him!. I found this to be amazing, because the whole point of why I had become a yes person, was exactly so that people would love me.

His example got me thinking. And I realized I didn’t even know the real me anymore because I had spent so much time trying to please boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, teachers, that I had no idea what I truly liked.

He inspired me to basically love myself more. So I decided that before making any choices I would start taking a second to look inside, analyze if I really wanted it, weigh in the pros and cons and make more conscious decisions based on my actual feelings towards it…

Ever since I started doing this, I have become so much happier and understood myself more.

I no longer tanned just because the cool girls thought pale was boring, I embraced my whiteness and became a skincare addict.

I stopped trying to like coffee just because everybody loved it, and realized it was always tea. I absolutely can’t start my day without a cuppa.

I refused a couple of clients who were interested in working with me even though it would have been good money because I did not agree with the quality of the products they wanted me to promote.

I stopped wearing tight clothes just because everyone says sexy girls are cooler and went back to my comfy dresses and blouses – and realized I really love feeling breeze and loose.

Not judging btw! I think coffee, tanned skin, easy money, and sexy jeans are great – just not for me.

And I have a zillion other examples just like that.

The best part is that after I stopped pretending and began speaking from the heart in my blog, I actually started getting a lot of comments from other girls telling me that I was an inspiration and this just made my heart burst.

So to all of those girls, I tell you:

Whatever is complicating your life right now, is there because you allowed it in. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty. It might make other people angry and cost you their unhealthy relationships, but it will set YOU free, ridding you of those who did not want the best for you.

Saying YES to happiness means saying NO to things and people that threaten your peace of mind, values, morals or self-worth. And saying NO doesn’t make you BAD. You CAN be a kind person with a huge heart and still say no to things.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. This only means you have the courage to love yourself even at the risk of disappointing others. And THAT is the key to a happy life. Examine what you tolerate and decide if you *want* to deal with it because it’s important to YOU. And DON’T FORGET YOU CAN ALWAYS SAY NO. And that NO is a COMPLETE SENTENCE that does not require any further explanations.

Allow yourself to be unapologetically YOU. TC mark

About the author
I love tea Follow Isabeau on Instagram or read more articles from Isabeau on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related