When You Feel You Can’t Go On, I Will Be Your Guardian Angel


My child,

I wish I could say I know exactly what you’re going through right now. But the truth is, I don’t, and saying I do would only dismiss the way you feel and the magnitude of the earthquakes inside your heart.

I wish I’d know how to press the right buttons in the Universe to make this stop. But the truth is, like you, I’m trying to find my way into life, and I don’t hold the key to universal understanding, even if I’m working to know myself better each day.

I wish the storms in your life would fade as I gently run my fingers through your hair. But I know I could only take away a little amount of pain from you, and that would not be suffice for the hurt you’re experiencing.

I wish things had been different for you, and in that sense, I see the pain you’re going through grows heavier each day. But I do promise, I will be your rock when the tides hit high and when you feel there’s nothing and no one to hold onto.

I wish people around you could acknowledge your invisible monsters are nonetheless as dangerous as the tangible ones threatening their lives. But I do promise, I see you, and I know that deep down you are a force of nature, and despite the agony of this moment, you will shine through and find it in you to forgive those who don’t understand.

I wish your family was there for you when you hit rock bottom. I wish they could grasp the notion that your anxiety is preventing you from living the same way cancer prevented your grandparents from growing older together. But I promise, in the darkest hours, I will be the one holding your hand through therapy, medication and recovery with the same courage you put in the world when you’ve opened your heart to light.

I wish your best friend called more often to ask how you’re feeling. I know deep inside you wish she cared more. I know you’re afraid to open up to her any longer because you’re afraid she’ll abandon you the same way others did. But I promise, your bond is strong despite the fact that she hasn’t fully learned yet how to deal with your emotions.

I wish you’d never consider giving up on your passions, because they’ve ignited such a strong spark in you that it still shines, from underneath your layers of discontentment. But I promise, my dear, people will never forget how deeply you’ve made them feel, and you are a comet that will cross their skies forever and ever.

I wish you’d go back to that one sacred safe place in the back of your mind, where fairy tales still unfurl and innocence has not been touched by hardship. I know you think you’ve lost the path, but I promise to hold the candle for you and light up the moon so you find your way home.

I wish your spirit grows back from ash like the Phoenix bird did. I know now you think you’re slowly disintegrating, but hold tight to my chest, for I will protect you from this cold, harsh world, today and for the rest of time.

I wish you grow, fundamentally, in your heart, the flowers that will make your whole being blossom again. I know you feel like draught has taken over your garden, but there are seeds you have to plant yet, and I promise, character develops, like a photograph, in darkness.

May you be at peace tonight. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Ioana Cristina Casapu is a book author, photographer and producer living life in transit.

Keep up with Ioana on Instagram and ioanacasapu.com

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