Regretting sex, regretting actions, feeling dirty, feeling like that wasn’t the best decision (which happens, guys), that is NOT rape.
For years, generations, as long as consensual sex has been going on, a great deal of it has been through intoxication. People get high, people get drunk, people have sex. That’s putting a hell of a lot of pressure on men (I say men because all the use cases pertain to men committing the act) to say no to an intoxicated woman, because they don’t want to wake up being rapists.
I’m curious though, if the tables were turned, and a woman and man had consensual sex, what would happen. Harry meets Sally, they’re both drunk at a party. She flashes him a smile, he grins back. They make out, things are moving along. They have sex. The next day, Harry feels… gross. He thinks about it, and comes to the conclusion that he really didn’t like Sally at all. He was completely taken advantage of, and what the hell, Sally should have known better and said no, because he was intoxicated.
Sally raped Harry.
He tells people this, and gets loads of comfort from the whole community. He starts to see a therapist, he blames his failing grades on his depression. He was raped. Sally raped him. His drunk consent didn’t mean yes.
How’s that for a scenario?
Let’s put this into perspective here. Rape is not an opportunity. Rape is not a golden excuse. Rape is not a way to JUSTIFY your bad choices.
I am not speaking about actual rape, you know, where one party is overpowered, taken advantage of, the attacker is in the wrong, there are no blurred lines. Again, that doesn’t mean it has to be violent. There are plenty of situations where consent is not asked for, the victim is afraid, scared, cannot speak out. This is a very clear: attacker is in the wrong, consent is not given.
If consent at any point is given, until it is taken away, it cannot be deemed rape. If during intercourse, Lady starts feeling like she doesn’t want to be doing this, makes no attempt to stop, does not inform Man that she doesn’t not want to be doing this, Man has NO idea they are now suddenly partaking in an activity only one of them wants, it is NOT rape.
If it Lady had made it clear, said, “hey I don’t want to do this anymore,” and it does not stop, that IS rape.
The women and men who are victims of assault, sexual molestation, and rape have to deal with people who say, “Hey, I was drunk, and I regret it, so he raped me.” every day. And let me tell you, it’s not pleasant. On behalf of those who have been raped, I’m sorry you have to deal with those who were not, but love to tell everyone they were. On behalf of those who woke up one day after a normal party, only to discover they’ve been deemed rapists, I’m sorry, that’s a really dodgy place to be.
To those who regret, and call rape: grow up.