People always tell us that moving on is the key to mending a broken heart. They reiterate that for us to completely forget a previous lover, we should throw away their things that we kept inside a box, delete them on Facebook, unfollow them on Twitter and block their numbers on our mobile phones. We hardly try to avoid the things that would allow us to remember them; however, we forget how to pick ourselves up after the drastic changes we’ve made. Never did they mention that we have another path to take after months and years of woeful days.
After all the different phases I went through, stepping from one stage to another of forgetting and letting go, I have to say that the hardest part was starting over.
It felt like I had to train myself to do things alone such as preparing dinners for one, spending Friday nights reading a book in a local café, planning to visit museums on Saturdays alone or simply shopping for a dress for a Sunday family dinner. These are petty things that we could have done if we were still together but I would like to give myself a pat on the back because I’ve learned how to be strong enough to face my everyday life without you.
Hence, it doesn’t stop there.
After months of late afternoon strolls in my neighborhood and never-ending positive self talks of how I will survive another day by myself, I got so used to the idea of being alone that I forgot how it feels to fall in love again. I constantly convince myself that I am an independent woman who is wise enough to make her own decisions and need no other man to depend for my happiness. I had to tell myself that I shouldn’t fall in love with sweet words and melting stares; that people are so temporary and they will eventually leave me hanging after months of trying to make me believe that they can treat me differently, better.
No matter how I have successfully moved on from the heartaches, my greatest fear will be starting over and giving love another chance.
It requires a lot of courage to bring back to life the love that has been damaged. More importantly, it is necessary to have the capability to take risks of giving myself, once again, to someone worthy of it. I have to throw myself once more in the process of betting my emotions in return to the kind of love I wished to have, something that is better and fulfilling than before.
And this is why it is tougher. Because I have already built myself beneath the walls that protect me from getting hurt; I forgot how to be with someone else and appreciate their company aside from myself; I overlook their sweet gestures of affection making me believe that I am exceptional; I forgot how to acknowledge a compliment without sounding rude nor snobbish.
Worse, I forgot how to be a lover to someone who was ready to accept me for who I am – quirks and all.
So if you are ready to start over, I congratulate you. However, just in case you aren’t, please do know that there’s a lot of time to figure out yourself. You may be over the past, you may even be able to forgive and forget all the pain you went through but that isn’t enough.
Always remember that sooner or later, someone will look you in the eyes and say that you’re the most beautiful person they’ve met or they adore your laughs – it will always be your decision if you are ready to begin again and try once more or contain yourselves beneath your walls. Whichever you decide upon, make sure that you choose none other than yourself.