We haven’t spoken in nearly ten years. Ten years? TEN YEARS.
I can’t remember anything about the last time we saw each other. I don’t remember what the last words that we exchanged were.
I’m starting to forget what you look like. The edges around your memory are becoming blurred. Your voice is muffled in my head.
The thing that will never leave me, the thing that still haunts me ten years later is the simple fact that you left.
You made the decision to walk away and give up, after years upon years of togetherness peppered with cracks.
I tried to forget you. I tried moving away. I tried moving on. Nothing seemed to work and it began to look like I’d always carry you with me, no matter how hard I tried to shake your memory off.
And then he walked in. Others had crossed my path before him but I paid them no mind. He was different, though.
He fought to stay.
I was so sure that he would follow your steps. I tried pushing him away before he would decide to leave. The harder I pushed, the tighter he held on.
He wanted to stay.
And so I allowed him to remain and in turn he reminded me of all the things I already knew. Things that I let you influence.
I am wonderful.
I am smart.
I am funny.
I am worth sticking around for.
Did he fix me? No. I fixed myself but I couldn’t have done it without a simple decision on his part.
We’re married now and very happy. I’m no longer scared that he will leave. It’s because of him and the life we’ve built together that you’re fading from my mind.
I’d like to think you’d be happy for me and proud of the woman I’ve become but I may never know and that’s ok.
Dad, wherever you are…I hope that you are as happy as I am.