5 Types Of Jackasses You Encounter In The Not-So-Friendly Dating World

I star in my very own tv drama that resembles the likes of The Hills, Laguna Beach, The OC, etc. At least that’s my way of convincing myself that my life story is normal and is actually happening in other parts of the world. To spice up my knowledge of the species I have been obsessed with since the day I realized men taste better than women, I started reading Lo Bosworth’s book, The Lo-Down. It’s a book that distinguishes the keeper from the guys I should just flat out stay away from. And to help myself further realize how wrongly I choose the guys I date, I’ll categorize the guys I have been on dates with since my last relationship.

1. Cheap-o Oliver

“Chivalry is not dead.” I shouldn’t even be stating the obvious anymore. But apparently, some guys just don’t have a clue. I went on a date twice with a guy who never made an effort to pay for my half. He showed no sign of generosity and although this seems materialistic, it says a lot about how much a guy likes a girl. I personally end up forcing my date to split the bill. If I sense how willing he is, I sometimes even pay for the entire meal. I measure how much a guy likes me by the extent of how he’s willing to pay to impress me.

If you can’t afford to pay for you and your date, here’s a pretty basic tip. DON’T ASK HER OUT (yet). Save up for that ideal date you want the girl you like to remember you for. Don’t put her or worse, yourself, in a situation that a second date would just be out of the question. What amazes me is how this guy is completely clueless as to why I don’t reply anymore. If I led you on during the dates thinking I was interested, I’m sorry. That was my way of not shoving my foot up your ass for being such a cheap ass.

A walk in the park might sound cliché to you but it beats having to awkwardly stare on the check wondering if you’d grab it away from me in hope of you paying for the entire meal yourself. You’d be romantic and at the same time saving yourself by delaying me finding out how lame you are. My fault was I let it happen two times in a row. Your fault was not realizing you’re possibly the worst date ever. Twice.

2. Peter The Player

I went out with this guy a few years ago. And he played me. Now I don’t know what got into me but I have this blissful thinking that guys are capable of changing too and are deep down just as lovable as I am LOL I like giving second chances. So I dated him again post recent break up. I wasn’t surprised to hear about him flirting with someone else but my ego somehow pushed me to let that one slide and give it another try. We are a lot older now. And he did ask me out for Valentine’s Day and an out of town trip with his friends. That shows some type of sincerity, doesn’t it?

Bottom line was, it was my way of showing him how much of a loss I was the first time he let me go. A short-term ego boost for now wouldn’t hurt compared to the awful long-term aftermath he made me endure before.

He’s a smooth criminal and if I’m not mistaken, he’s consistently irresistible to every girl he dates.

His words exactly: “Given another chance to start from scratch, I’d choose you over her anytime.” “I really wanna be with you.” “I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.” “I’ve been wanting to make up for the past for so long.” And of course the hopeless romantic in me couldn’t afford to let a guy desperate to have me slip away. But finding out how he tried to pursue my other friend the same time as me AGAIN? I’d be a fool to let it slide AGAIN, right? Wrong. Because I did let it slide. For the third time. We’re dating now. At least he thinks we are. It’s just right to give him a taste of his own medicine just to show him how he can’t go around playing with people’s hearts. I sure hell am not going out with him anymore. I think.

Girls, it’s nice to tick off ‘Date a player’ in one’s checklist just for the heck of being able to say or brag about it. But he’s not worth your time and tears.

3. Arrogant Adam

Try dating someone taking Medicine and a few years older than you. The result? Arrogant Adam. He thinks he knows better and the instance he feels you think otherwise, he’ll find a way to make you caress his ego and look his way. He finds ways to make it about him although there’s the constant Q&A about your life but really, it’s all to see if you’re doing someone else besides him.

He makes sure he’s the best you’ll ever have. He constantly asks you if you’ve had better and if you say yes, be prepared for an all-night boosting of his morale in desperation just so he’d reply with a smiling face. He’ll have no worries cutting ties with you because he’s confident you’ll come crawling back. And so maybe I did once or twice. He gets away with his arrogance because of his nice physique not to mention extremely sexy way of talking. Okay maybe the previous line’s subjective. But hey, that’s my Arrogant Adam.

4. Predictable Paul

I personally think this was the author’s way of making the man identified under this category feel a little less worthless than he actually is. Because in my world, Predictable Paul spells out one word: Boring. And boy, did I bore myself to death when I dated you. I knew you’d still text me after that God forsaken date. We had nothing in common but still you managed to bring up one topic after another.

I’m sorry if I led you on thinking I was interested (I have a bad of habit of doing that just because I never like being the bad guy), but I think that was my only way of keeping my sanity considering how you just wasted my Saturday night when I could have been out with someone far more interesting than you. I’m not saying I’m all that exciting. I’m just saying I’m not the girl you can immediately bring home to your mom because I seem ‘safe’. I think I’m a lot more dangerous than what I put out.

5. Can’t Commit Charlie

He’s capable of commitment (eventually). Just not with you. In simple words, he’s just not that into you. The author had a less harsh way of revealing this truth but I prefer to be blunt on my own page. It was ideal at first.

The idea of the two of us on a road trip like he proposed the first time we talked. But he was just having too much fun being single to pursue me the way I wanted him to. We’re friends so I guess he knows how I work. And plus, our friends would hate him if he led me on any further. As much as some books say Can’t-Commit Charlie’s a douchebag, mine wasn’t and still isn’t. He’s even the guy who deleted all the jerks’ numbers in my phone last night including his to help me move past this swooning over the wrong men (boys, tbh). If you don’t get the attention you think you deserve, dump him. When? Ten minutes ago. A direct quote from the feisty author herself.

I can go on explaining how terrible it is to pursue any of these guys. I can even include every guy I’ve ever dated since my break up but that would be a waste of time. Instead, I advise you to experience at least one of these assholes. Why? To help you make room for more appreciation for when the right guy comes along. How else would you know the feeling of having a catch if you never experience dropping the ball? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog