“You’re no longer romantic anymore,” I said to my boyfriend on a random Friday night. He stopped in his tracks and looked at me. I didn’t think it sounded rude or hurtful or think he’d get offended by it; I was just saying what was on my mind.
This happened right before we were running errands and working out, so it wasn’t a very pleasant outing. And, I figured out why this hit him hard. He’s been doing everything he can for me and when I said that, it sounds as if I don’t appreciate what he’s done for me. I get it too. I would also feel a sting after hearing that comment, but I just that never stopped my mouth from forming the words.
Sometimes, you’re not always aware how hurtful words can be. I’m a culprit of being too truthful too often and it affects other around me. It’s as if I don’t know how to shut it off or shut up sometimes. It’s going to get me into big trouble one day and I know it. I never think of the aftermath. Instead, I just simply blurt out what I’m thinking.
There have been times I’ve hurt my mother, brothers and friends with my words. You’d think I’d learn by now, but there I am just humming through life not realizing what I’m saying. My boyfriend and I have gotten into arguments due to my extensive vocabulary. Sometimes, he just tells me to be quiet. And, the truth is, I think it’s better that way. I can stop myself from saying something I’ll regret later on.
This is how I know I’ve done it again: I see my boyfriend’s reaction. His voice will get very serious and he has this look on his face. Then, my heart starts beating a mile a minute and I know I shouldn’t have said it. I hate others being mad at me, so my immediate reaction is to fix it. I walk over and try to talk to him about it. But, it’s too late because what I said had come out. I can’t take it back. Rather, I can only fix it and move forward.
I ask myself, “Why did I just say that?” I can be a very selfish person and don’t think about my words will do to someone I love. I swear I don’t mean it. I’m not a spiteful or hurtful person by any means. I just let my feelings and emotions get the best of me and then allow them to spill out like word vomit. But, I know I must learn not to be too truthful or I could seriously lose the people I love.