When someone you love is in a toxic relationship, you want to rescue them. You want to help them see how unhealthy their situation is. You want to talk them into a breakup. You want to convince them they deserve better than what they’re settling for. You want them to see what you see. A beautiful soul getting manipulated and torn down by someone who claims to love them.
When someone you love is in a toxic relationship, you’re not sure how much you should interfere. You don’t want them to get hurt, but you also know their relationship is none of your business. If you get too involved, they might get annoyed with you. There’s a chance they will push you away instead of pushing their partner away. There’s a chance you could lose them because they are too attached to their relationship to take a step back and see how much it’s been hurting them. They might get annoyed that you aren’t happy for them. They might feel like you are jealous and unsupportive. They might look at you like you’re the bad guy.
When someone you love is in a toxic relationship, it makes you sick to your stomach. After all, you know this person inside and out. You know their strengths and their insecurities. You know they deserve the world. You know they could do so much better. You hate that you’re powerless. You hate that there’s nothing you can do to fix the situation because you can’t control their actions. You aren’t responsible for their decisions. The path they choose is theirs alone.
When someone you love is in a toxic relationship, dealing with them can be frustrating at times. When they get excited about moving in together or getting engaged to each other, you won’t know what to say, because you don’t really consider it a celebration at all. You’re worried they’re making a mistake they’ll regret. On the other hand, when they come to you crying about how horribly they’re being treated, you’re just as frustrated. After all, you told them this would happen and they didn’t listen. Even worse, you know they aren’t going to listen now when you encourage them to leave. You know they’re going to go back to their partner. You know they’ll come crying to you again in a few weeks. You know the cycle isn’t going to end.
When someone you love is in a toxic relationship, it can pull you apart. It can create distance between you. Even when you’re trying your hardest to be there for that person, even when you’re clinging on tight to your friendship, you could end up parting ways.
However, hopefully your loved one will eventually realize they deserve better. Hopefully they will expect better treatment in the future. Hopefully they will walk away from their unhealthy relationship for once and for all, and you won’t have to stay up nights worrying about what might happen to them.
Unfortunately, that decision isn’t up to you. It’s up to them.