I Might Break Down -- But I'm Trying My Best

I Might Break Down — But I’m Trying My Best

I might break down every once in a while, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying. 

I’m putting in effort every single day. I’m staying hopeful. I’m staying as positive as my mind allows.

I might burst into tears at times, I might have trouble getting through the night, but I’m always going to pull myself back together again. I’m always going to continue forward. I’m not going to let my fear slow me down.

I’m mature enough to realize releasing my emotions isn’t a sign of weakness. Bottling up those emotions would be much worse. It would make my pain linger. It would breed resentment. It would make me even more miserable in the long-run.

I would much rather be open with myself about my feelings. I would rather be in touch with my emotions. I would rather feel deeply than pretend I don’t feel anything at all.

I might break down when I give myself too much time to think, to worry, to wonder, but that doesn’t make me any less independent. It doesn’t make me any less strong. I’m allowed to have moments where I feel like I’m losing control. I’m allowed to have doubts about my past, my present, and my future. I’m allowed to fall apart sometimes.

I’m never going to be embarrassed about my low points. I’m never going to feel ashamed about my whirlwind emotions. I’m never going to act like there’s something wrong with me for feeling this much because my emotions are valid.

I’m allowed to sob. I’m allowed to complain. I’m allowed to feel sorry for myself.

But I will never allow those feelings to linger for too long. I will find a way to push past them. I will find a way to raise my hopes again. I will find a way to survive.

Even though there might be times when my heart drops, when my tears fall, when my expectations plummet, I’m doing the best I possibly can at the moment. I’m putting in as much effort as humanly possible. I’m working my ass off to better myself. I’m putting in the work. I haven’t given up faith in myself. I haven’t lost belief in my abilities.

Yes, there are times when it feels like the world is crashing down around me, when it feels like my effort has been getting me nowhere, but I’m confident I’m going to get through this negativity.

I know I’ve been in plenty of rough spots before and have made it out okay. I know I’ve been through worse and survived. I’m going to survive this, too. I’m going to survive every breakdown. Survive every question. Survive every doubt.

My breakdowns might make it impossible to get anything done today, but they aren’t going to hold me back tomorrow or the next day. I’m going to put them behind me. I’m going to keep going even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard.

There might be more moments when I break down right around the corner, but that’s okay. I’m not giving up on myself. I’m not going to stop trying. I’m not going to quit.  Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Holly Riordan

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.