When you’re not okay, you come across as lazy, but it’s more complicated than that. You aren’t lounging around in bed all day because you’re enjoying yourself. You’re not kicking back and relaxing like everyone thinks you are. You just don’t care enough to get up. You don’t see the point. You don’t have the motivation.
You feel like, even if you went about your day like normal and did all of the ‘right’ things, it wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t make you happier. It wouldn’t make you more successful. It wouldn’t change a thing.
When you’re not okay, it’s hard to summon up the effort to care about even the most basic aspects of your world. You don’t have the energy to get up. To shower. To cook breakfast. To clean the dishes. To brush your hair. To walk the dog. To send a text. To read a text. To exercise. To make appointments. To change out of your pajamas.
If you aren’t leaving the house, there’s no reason you need to look good. If no one is coming over, there’s no reason you need your place to look good, either. You’d only be doing those little things for yourself, and honestly, you couldn’t care less about yourself.
When you’re not okay, caring about anything at all requires too much effort. You don’t care about work. You don’t care about social media. You don’t care about your friendships. You don’t care about your favorite music or shows or movies.
You don’t care about anything the usual-you cares deeply about. It makes you feel like a stranger in your own body. It makes you feel like something is very wrong.
When you’re not okay, you wake up every morning hoping that you’ve finally snapped out of it. You know there are certain things you can do to help yourself reach that point — like go to therapy and tell your loved ones how you’re feeling and take mental health days when you’re at your lowest — but sometimes even when you do the right thing you just need to give it time. You need to wait for the feeling to pass. You need to be patient.
When you’re not okay, everything on your regular schedule seems pointless. Hanging out with your best friends seems pointless. Eating your favorite food seems pointless. Watching your favorite movie seems pointless. All of the things that usually make you happy suddenly lose their appeal. It feels like nothing is going to change your mood. It feels like you’re going to be stuck this way forever.
When you’re not okay, you have to remind yourself that you’ve been in this position before and the feeling went away.
You have to remind yourself everything is going to be okay, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
You have to remind yourself that you’re strong enough to get through this, strong enough to make it until tomorrow, and strong enough to make it until the day after that.