1. You pretend you’re fine with keeping things casual. Even though you’re tempted to tell him how you feel, you hold yourself back out of fear he’s going to end your arrangement if you bring feelings into the equation. So you pretend everything is fine. You pretend you’re having a fun time keeping it casual. You pretend you’re happy staying just friends even though it’s secretly killing you inside.
2. You fake orgasms. The whole point of your arrangement is to enjoy yourself in the bedroom so you really shouldn’t be faking orgasms. You should be trying to enjoy yourself. But that’s not your priority. All you want is to get on his good side, to get him to fall in love with you, so you place all of your focus on him. You make sure he has a good time. You make sure he gets what he wants. You completely forget your happiness is even supposed to be part of the deal.
3. You tell him little white lies. You don’t let him know you spent an hour on your outfit that morning to impress shim. You don’t let him know you already mentioned his name to your parents. You don’t let him know you turned down another guy who was interested because you’re secretly hoping he is going to turn around and date you.
4. You play silly, unwanted dating games. You don’t want to cross any boundaries and scare him off, so you’re careful about how much you text him. You’re careful about how emotional you get in front of him. You’re careful about how many compliments you give him. You try to come across as chill in the hopes he’ll like you more.
5. You start playing pretend with your friends, too. They know how you really feel about him. And they know you’re bound to get hurt by him. Since they want what’s best for you, they’re obviously going to warn you to stay away from him. That’s when you start lying to them too, acting like you would be perfectly fine if a relationship didn’t come out of the situation.
6. You pour way too much effort into trying to be sexy. You shave every inch of your body. You buy lingerie. You read up on how to sext and which moves to use in the bedroom. You go above and beyond because you’re hoping you’ll be able to get him addicted to you. You’ll hoping the sex will be enough to convince him to stay, even though you’ve been told time and time again that isn’t the way this works.
7. You read into every little thing he says. Even though he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship right now, you still find a way to convince yourself he is. You overanalyze every look he gives you, every selfie he sends, every text he writes. You convince yourself there’s a chance he feels the exact same way about you — and that’s why you stick around even though your gut has been telling you to leave.