1. Accuses you of overreacting. Your person should consider your feelings valid. Even if they don’t understand why you’re having such an extreme reaction to something they don’t consider that big of a deal, it doesn’t give them the right to accuse you of being dramatic. They should try to see things from your perspective. They should understand you’re two separate people with two different sets of emotions and if you say something is bothering you, they should respect that.
2. Repeatedly treats you like a punching bag. Just because your person had a horrible day at work, it does’t give them the right to come home and snap at you. They’re mad at their boss or their coworkers or themselves, not you, so you shouldn’t be getting subjected to their rage. They shouldn’t be taking out all of their issues on you.
3. Hides details from you. Forgetting to tell you about the text their ex sent them or the party they went to without you is the same as lying about those things. If your person has purposely been concealing details about their week, then how are you supposed to trust them? How are you supposed to consider them your forever?
4. Makes you feel like second best. Your person should make you feel special. They should make you feel loved. You shouldn’t feel like you’re coming in second to another woman or their best friend. You can’t expect to be the only person in their world — but you certainly shouldn’t feel like a backup plan when the rest of their friends are busy.
5. Refuses to show up for you. Your person shouldn’t turn down every dinner invitation and family BBQ. Your person should be an active part of your world. They should be excited to get to know the people who love you the most. They shouldn’t be hiding themselves away and only agree to hang out with you one-on-one.
6. Worsens your mental health. It doesn’t matter whether you suffer from depression, anxiety, BPD, or any other mental illness. If your person loves you and respects you, then they will be supportive of you. They won’t make fun of your issues. They won’t call you a burden. They won’t act like they’re doing you a favor by dealing with you.
7. Purposely hurts your feelings. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of a massive argument or whether they end up apologizing a few minutes later. Your person should never toss insults at you. They should never aim to hurt your feelings. They’re supposed to make you feel better about yourself, not worse.
8. Shatters your self-image. Your person is supposed to love every little thing about you. They shouldn’t be telling you to lose weight or making comments about how you would look so much better with a different hairstyle. They should love you exactly the way you are.
9. Discourages your dreams. You should never be expected to choose between your person and your career. You can have both as long as your person is supportive. If they think you’re fooling yourself by chasing after your dreams, then you’re fooling yourself by calling them your forever person.