We Never Hooked Up 

We Never Hooked Up 

You liked me. I liked you. It seemed like our relationship was leading somewhere — even if it was only to the bedroom.

I’ve had guys sleep with me, even though they weren’t ready for a relationship. I’ve had guys sleep with me and decide they wanted nothing to do with me the next day.

Worst case, I thought you would be another one of those guys. Best case, I thought we would end up dating.

You surprised me when you walked away because neither of those things happened. I could never wrap my head around what you wanted from me, and now that you’re gone, I’m more confused than ever. There are a million questions buzzing around my mind.

I’m not sure why you spent so much time flirting with me. I’m not sure why you called me pretty, why you pressed your lips against mine, why you made me believe you had some kind of feelings for me when you never made another move. I’m not sure what your end game was if you apparently didn’t want to date me or sleep with me. I’m not sure what you got out of flirting with me.

We never slept together and that should be a relief. I should thank you for being one of the good guys who walked away before dragging my heart through the mud, before making me get too attached to you. As much as I appreciate your decency, it doesn’t make me any less confused by you.

The guys who slept with me and walked away the next day hurt me, but they made sense to me. They only wanted my body. They only wanted me for a night. When they got what they wanted, they decided to move onto the next person. They screwed with my heart but they showed me their true colors when they stumbled out of the sheets. They made it completely and utterly clear why they led me on.

But you’re still a mystery. I’m still trying to figure out why you acted interested in me in the first place. I’m not sure if another girl ended up coming around and stealing you out from underneath me. Or if you got to know me better and started to like me less because you saw my crazy. I’m not sure whether you were too shy to make a move or whether you didn’t think I was worth the effort of moving from friend to girlfriend. I’m not sure about a lot of things.

We never slept together, which isn’t a problem. I’m not complaining about that part. I’m glad you didn’t lead me on anymore than you already had. I’m glad you left without using me first.

I just wish you were clearer about how you felt about me. I wish I wasn’t left with all of these questions. I wish I had some sort of idea about what you wanted from me and why you eventually changed your mind about me. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

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