Making the first move hasn’t helped my loneliness. I’ve tried reaching out to people and setting plans, but it’s close to impossible to see anyone when they’re all busy with their own lives. I keep getting rejected because my friends are busy with work or are about to leave on a vacation or already have plans set with someone else. I feel like every single time I try to get people together, it all falls apart.
Getting out of my comfort zone hasn’t helped my loneliness. I’ve gathered up the courage to go to movies on my own and attend parties where I barely knew anyone else attending. But no one magically walked up to me and started a conversation. I didn’t end up having the time of my life. I ended up sitting in the background, feeling awkward. I ended up having a horrible time.
Social media hasn’t helped my loneliness. Once in a while, getting attention on a post will boost my confidence and make me me feel less isolated — but that feeling only lasts for a few hours at most. Then I’m right back to feeling alone, like no one cares, like no one is paying any attention to me. Most of the time, social media actually makes my loneliness worse because it looks like everyone is having fun without me, everyone is going out and enjoying life except me.
Getting into a relationship hasn’t helped my loneliness. I feel a little bit better whenever he’s around, but he has his own life and his own work. I can’t be attached to him twenty-four seven. That would be unhealthy and unrealistic. Sometimes I feel like he’s the only person in the world who cares about me, and even though I’m lucky to even have one person like that, it’s still a lonely feeling.
Learning to enjoy my own company hasn’t helped my loneliness. I can have a good time reading a book or walking around the block or treating myself to a manicure, but there are days when I want to be around people. There are days when spending time alone doesn’t cut it, even if I’m watching my favorite shows or blasting my favorite music. There are days when I want to be social, when I want to feel like I have an actual life.
So far, nothing I’ve done has been able to cure my loneliness. It still feels like something is missing. It feels like I’m not making the most of my youth. It feels like there are so many more things I should have experienced by now, so many more adventures I could have taken, so many more memories I could have made.
I don’t want to spend my days locked inside my bedroom, moping about how I don’t have any friends, but I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do next. I’m not sure how to change my situation. I’m not sure whether I’m going to feel this way, this lonely, forever.