1. How little I care about certain family and friends. I’ve cut so many people out of my world who used to be close to me. When I was younger, I assumed these people would be around forever. I never could have pictured living without them. I never could have pictured them hurting me. I was too trusting back then. But I think my younger self would argue and say I’m too cynical now.
2. How many people consider me worthwhile. I didn’t have my first kiss until late in life. Every single year, I would think maybe it’s finally going to happen but it never did. Not until college. I’m not sure if finally getting kissed gave me a boost in confidence or whether getting the hell out of high school and around new people helped, but after the first kiss, it wasn’t hard to get the second.
3. How different my hair, face, and body look. I still have self-esteem issues. I still cry in front of bathroom mirrors and delete rows upon rows of selfies. But compared to what I used to look like, I’m not half bad. I haven’t mastered the art of loving myself yet but I’m much, much closer than the girl I was in high school.
4. How much I’ve accomplished so far. I don’t sleep until noon anymore. I don’t spend most of my time lounging around anymore. I’m productive. I’m passionate. I’m dedicated. I get a lot done in a single day. I never let myself slack or fall behind. I’m doing as much as possible, because I don’t want to let myself down.
5. How much respect I have for myself. I used to let people walk over me. I used to let them take advantage of me. I used to sit quietly in the background without making a peep. That’s not me anymore. If someone hurts me, they’re not going to get away with it. They’re going to lose me.
6. The ring on my finger. I never planned on getting married. I never planned on anyone staying.
7. How much I miss socializing. My younger self would have thought working from home was an absolute dream — but it’s not a great idea for someone as anxious and anti-social as me. I never leave the house for work, so I never leave the house. I rarely talk to anyone, not even on social media, and it’s slowly been eating away at my self-esteem and sense of purpose.
8. How much I have my heart set on becoming a better person. I have a million flaws. Instead of letting them get me down, I’m letting them motivate me. I’m aware of my weaknesses, my fears, my baggage. I’m a work in progress. I’m trying my best to grow into a better person, one my future-self will be proud to see.
9. I made it this far. There were times when I had my doubts, when I wanted to give up, but I kept going. I made it until today. And I’ll make it until tomorrow.