You Can Appreciate What Someone Toxic Has Done For You (Without Keeping Them Around)

Sometimes, it takes a while to realize someone is toxic because they aren’t all bad. The situation isn’t black and white. It’s not like this person is pure evil, an inhuman monster. They’re just a person. A flawed person. A toxic person. A person who has disgusting, manipulative traits — and also redeeming qualities that you’re going to miss once they’re gone.

It’s hard to kick someone toxic out of your life because you’ve seen their best parts along with their ugliest parts. But at the end of the day, if they’re bad for your mental health, you have to let them leave.

You can appreciate what someone toxic has done for you while recognizing they no longer belong in your world. You can be thankful they helped you through rough times in your past while insisting they play no part in your future.

You can’t let yourself be fooled by the best moments you’ve shared with this person. You can’t let your happy memories distract you from your awful memories.

Most importantly, you have to remember you don’t owe this person anything. It doesn’t matter how many times they’ve stuck up for you in the past. It doesn’t matter how much money they’ve lent you or how many long, late night talks they’ve had when you were feeling blue.

You are under no obligation to stay in your situation if it has become toxic.

No, leaving isn’t going to be easy on you. You’re going to feel guilty about walking away from someone who has done so much for you — and other people aren’t going to help. They’re going to call you ungrateful. They’re going to pick sides. They aren’t going to understand why you would ‘backstab’ someone who has been there for you whenever you needed them. They aren’t going to realize how complicated the situation is. They aren’t going to understand leaving this person behind is the last thing you want to do but has become necessary.

Even though you might lose extra people along the way, you have to cut out toxic people from your world.

You might feel conflicted right now but you have to understand it’s possible for you to appreciate everything this person has done for you while also recognizing this person is draining your sanity, your energy, your soul.

You might feel like you owe it to them to stick around — but that is not the case. They might have bought you cute presents and picked up the phone whenever you called, but they have also manipulated you. They have abused you. They have taken advantage of you.

You cannot forget about the bad things they’ve done, just because they scattered some good things in between.

Don’t feel guilty about kicking someone out of your life who has been there all along. Don’t let your history convince you to make the wrong decision. Remember, you can appreciate what someone toxic has done for you while still recognizing they are bad for you.