It takes a long time to realize you’re in a toxic relationship because you’ve been taught everyone has faults. You’ve been taught relationships require effort. You’ve been taught staying and trying to fix a situation is better than walking away without a fight.

It takes a long time to realize you’re in a toxic relationship because your person knows you inside and out. That means they know which buttons to press. They know how to earn your forgiveness. When you’re about to come to your senses and walk away, they will cry about how everyone ends up leaving them to make you feel bad for them. Or they will swear they’re going to change to make you give them another chance. They know what you need to hear.

It takes a long time to realize you’re in a toxic relationship because you’re in love. You want everything to work out. You want to be able to look back on this time in the future and call it a bump along the road, a small rut. You don’t want to admit it’s time to leave. You don’t want to admit you wasted your time on the wrong person. You don’t want to admit you’ve been lying to yourself.

It takes a long time to realize you’re in a toxic relationship because it wasn’t always like this. At first, your person planned out dates and surprised you with playlists. They treated you with respect. They would have done anything for you. You have trouble believing the person you first met has disappeared. You keep telling yourself the toxic way your person has been acting recently is a fluke. You believe they’ll change back eventually. You believe this is only temporary.

It takes a long time to realize you’re in a toxic relationship because no one knows your person as well as you. Your friends and family might warn you about your relationship, but you won’t listen to a word they say because they don’t know the full story. They don’t know how nice your person can be when they aren’t treating you like shit. They don’t understand. A part of you wants to stay together just to prove them wrong.

It takes a long time to realize you’re in a toxic relationship because you trust your own judgement. You couldn’t imagine falling for someone who would hurt you. You feel like you have a good read on people, like you would have been able to see the signs from the start if this person was really as bad as everyone is saying. Admitting your person is toxic means admitting you were a fool. It means admitting you were conned into loving them. And you don’t want to admit you could have ever been so naive.

It takes a long time to realize you’re in a toxic relationship because it means you have to make a change. You have to get out of the situation. You can’t keep dating this person. You have to move out of your apartment, delete their number, maybe even sever ties with their friends who have become your friends. Admitting you’re in a toxic relationship means you have to make a major change you’re not sure if you’re ready to make.