When you’re scared of commitment, it’s a double-edged sword. You get lonely just like anybody else. You want to find someone who understands you, who respects you, who brightens your days. You’re not entirely happy living the single life — but at the same time, you’re not entirely happy when you’re dating someone either. You get scared when relationships get serious. You have a hard time enjoying a good thing.

When you’re scared of commitment, you shut down out of the blue. There are times when you are quiet for seemingly no reason. There are times when you are distant out of nowhere. There are moments when the realization you are in a serious relationship comes crashing down on you and your flight or fight instinct kicks in.

When you’re scared of commitment, there are moments when you doubt whether you have what it takes to make a relationship last. You wonder whether you are toxic. You worry you might hurt the person you love. You hope you live up to their expectations, hope you can make them happy, hope you never let your fears overpower your feelings for them.

When you’re scared of commitment, you accidentally come across as insensitive. It might seem like you aren’t as crazy about your person as they are about you — but that’s not necessarily the truth. You just need some time to adjust. You need to ease into the relationship. You can’t switch straight from the single life to saying I love you every single day. You move slow. You need to set your own pace.

When you’re scared of commitment, milestones are bittersweet. You’ll be excited about buying a house together — but also terrified about losing your own personal space. You’ll be excited about their proposal — but also worried about becoming a wife. You will be conflicted during every major life stage — and you’ll feel guilty about feeling that way.

When you’re scared of commitment, even the tiniest milestones feel enormous to you. You’re scared of more than the idea of marriage and children. You also get nervous when you spend the night together for the first time or when your face becomes part of their profile picture for the first time. Every step forward feels like a massive leap to you. The changes are intimidating.

When you’re scared of commitment, you always have an exit plan. You make sure you stay alert. You make sure you’re always prepared for the worst case scenario. You feel like there’s a bigger chance your relationship is going to end in fire and flames than in a lifelong union.

When you’re scared of commitment, you have a hard time getting comfortable in a relationship. You have a hard time accepting your situation could last forever. You have a hard time believing your person would never hurt you or abandon you.

But even though you’re afraid of commitment, you can still make a commitment. You can still enter a respectful, stable relationship. You can still find love.