My World Would Be So Different Without My Toxic Past

My world would be so different without my toxic past. I wouldn’t have such a warped sense of self. I wouldn’t have such a dark sense of humor. I wouldn’t have so many nasty things to say about myself. I wouldn’t spend so much time hating myself. I wouldn’t be as quick to assume the worst.

My world would be so different without my toxic past. I wouldn’t have such high walls. I wouldn’t keep others at a distance. I wouldn’t be afraid to put myself out there, to leave my comfort zone, to take risks for love. I wouldn’t work so hard to push other people away. I wouldn’t make excuses to stay single. I wouldn’t take such drastic measures to protect my heart. I wouldn’t be this skeptical, this pessimistic.

Without my toxic past, I wouldn’t be such a nervous, paranoid mess. I wouldn’t think the worst of others. I wouldn’t assume they are going to break my heart. I wouldn’t assume it’s only a matter of time until they screw me over. I wouldn’t assume I’m unlovable, unworthy of a healthy relationship.

My world would be so different without my toxic past. I wouldn’t have as many worries. I wouldn’t keep as many secrets. I wouldn’t cut as many people out of my life. I would be more open with strangers. I would be more approachable, more social. I would give other people more of a chance instead of making assumptions before getting to know them.

My world would be so different without my toxic past. I wouldn’t be struggling with trust issues. I wouldn’t be searching for signs of infidelity in every relationship and seeing problems where none existed. I wouldn’t be tempted to scroll through my person’s phone, research their exes on social media, or fact check every word that comes out of their mouth.

My world would be so different without my toxic past. I wouldn’t be so wary of anyone who approaches me, compliments me, flirts with me. I wouldn’t roll my eyes at romantic comedies. I wouldn’t assume every engagement is going to be broken, every marriage is going to end in divorce. I wouldn’t wonder whether true love is a lie, whether soulmates exist, whether anyone can last a lifetime in a monogamous relationship when there are so many options out there.

My world would be so different without my toxic past. I would be too trusting, too naive, too nice. I would get taken advantage of by poisonous people. I would allow the wrong people to make a home in my life. I would set myself up for heartbreak. I would end up getting hurt.

Sometimes, I wish I could forget about my toxic past. Sometimes, I wish I could erase my baggage. But the bad things that have happened to me have shaped me into the strong person I am today. I might be flawed. I might be insecure. I might be a work in progress. But I am proud of myself. I am happy with where my past has led me.