Actually, You Can't Always Make Time For What's Most Important To You

Actually, You Can’t Always Make Time For What’s Most Important To You

There’s a difference between someone treating you worse than you deserve and someone genuinely lacking enough time to spend with you.

No, you shouldn’t waste your time on a relationship where your texts are never answered. No, you shouldn’t continue a friendship where you feel neglected. No, you shouldn’t remain in a situation where you feel like you are the only one who cares, the only one who puts in any effort.

However, you need to realize no one’s life revolves around you. Everyone has their own set of problems, needs, and responsibilities.

If you haven’t seen your friend in a month, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are a bad friend. It might mean they’re struggling financially and can’t afford to fly out to see you. It might mean they’re swarmed with work and barely have enough time to take a shower, let alone socialize. It might mean they have other things to do — not better things — just more crucial things. Things like getting their oil changed and picking up prescriptions and taking care of kids and making their boss happy.

It’s easy for your overthinking to get out of hand. You might see a text canceling plans for the night and get upset, but you have to avoid the instinct of thinking everything is about you. Your friend probably didn’t cancel because they hate you. They probably didn’t cancel because they wanted to play games with you. They probably didn’t cancel because they think it’s funny to hurt you.

Maybe they just had the single worst day of their life and need to rest for the night because the thought of leaving the house is too much to stand. Maybe they completely forgot about an appointment they made and it’s easier to reschedule with you than with their doctor. Maybe they feel absolutely horrible about canceling but have to do it for their own mental health since they have way too much on their plate at the moment.

If canceling plans becomes a pattern, then yes, you should leave this person in your past. You shouldn’t go out of your way to do nice things for them when they are unable to return the favor.

But if your friend screws up once or twice, don’t blame them and don’t blame yourself. Sometimes, life is unexpected. It gets in the way of plans.

Unfortunately, you can’t always make time for what’s most important to you — at least not every single day. Your friend who hangs out with you once a month might have trouble setting aside even that much time for you.

Yes, you should keep your standards high. You shouldn’t settle for less than you deserve. You shouldn’t stay in a situation that hurts you. But you should also recognize everyone has shit to do. They have their own goals and responsibilities. You can’t expect them to be there for you every second of every day. That’s just not realistic.

You have to accept that sometimes, even when people love you, they won’t be able to be present in your life as much as you would like. Thought Catalog Logo Mark