How Each Zodiac Sign Tells You To Screw Off

How Each Zodiac Tells You To Go Fuck Yourself

Aries: March 21 – April 19th

They block you across social media and wait for you to get the hint.

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

They send you paragraphs of texts explaining all the ways you’ve hurt them and how it’s unacceptable.

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

They make a point to exclude you — and make sure you know you’re excluded.

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

They post ‘vague’ statuses about you that everyone can tell are about you.

For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new.
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For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new.

How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on.

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Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

They reply to your texts with one-word answers.

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

They smile to your face and give ‘compliments’ that are secretly insults.

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

They wait until you turn around, give you the middle finger to your back, and curse about you to themselves on the car ride home.

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

They get into a screaming match with you in public.

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

They leave your ass and never look back.

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

They literally look you in the eyes and say, “Go fuck yourself.”

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

They post pictures of themselves going out drinking and looking sexy so you can see you’re missing out.

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

They delete your number and stop answering your texts. Thought Catalog Logo Mark