1. You don’t consider me a priority.
I spent a long time asking myself why you never texted first, why you took so long to answer, why you went missing in action every few weeks. The answer was staring me directly in my face the entire time. You did not care about me as much as I cared about you. I just didn’t want to admit it. I wanted to believe you gave a damn. I wanted to assume we were on the same page.
2. If you had any intention of dating me, you would have put at least a little effort into our conversations.
I should have taken your texting patterns as a warning sign — but it seemed childish to whine about a text. I told myself there were more important things to worry about than whether you sent a good morning message. Of course, I now realize, if you cannot be bothered to send a text, you probably aren’t going to bother to plan dates or buy me flowers or remember my birthday. You probably aren’t going to put any effort into real life either.
3. You never missed me.
I made excuses for you. I told myself you were too shy to send the first text. I told myself you were swamped with work. I told myself you were damaged from a previous relationship. I shielded myself from the truth because it was hard to swallow: You never missed me. You never wondered what I was doing. You never cared.
4. Your attention doesn’t mean as much when I am begging for it.
I thought it was a big deal whenever you actually took the time to reply to my messages — but that is setting the bar extremely low. I expected the minimum from you and you still failed to reach my expectations. If you liked me, if you wanted me too, then you would have made an effort to keep in contact with me. I wouldn’t have had to send double texts or snap an attractive selfie in order to get you to pay attention to me.
5. One-sided relationships are not worth the effort.
Chasing you was exhausting. It took me time (and courage) to come up with cute messages to send you — and half the time, you would ignore me or let the conversation fade away. I put constant effort into getting closer to you and you didn’t appreciate any of it.
6. Relationships are supposed to be equal, even in the beginning.
I never should have fallen into a pattern of texting you first every single time. I should have given you space. I should have thought more of myself. I should have realized that, if you cannot take the time to send a simple text, you do not deserve a space in my phone.
7. It hurts to love you — and love should not hurt.
Love should not make me feel inadequate. Love should not leave me restless. Love should leave me breathless. It should make me feel valued. You only brought me self-doubt. You made me question myself. I am not supposed to be with someone like you, someone who causes me heartache. I am supposed to be with someone who appreciates me. Someone who misses me. Someone who does not think twice before sending the first text.