I’m Afraid To Get Close To Anyone

I’m afraid to get close to anyone because I have been hurt before and it sucks. I’m not interested in letting it happen again. I take precautions to keep my heart guarded. I keep others at a distance. As soon as I feel myself growing attached to someone, I back away even further. I self-sabotage. I end the relationship before it begins to save myself the trouble. I tell myself these things are protecting me, but in reality, they are only making me lonelier.

I am afraid to get close to anyone because they would see my vulnerable side. I act one way in public and show a completely different side in private. Letting someone into my world would mean giving them access to the pieces of me I have been afraid to expose. It would mean putting all of my baggage in front of them and waiting to see whether they run away screaming or decide to stay for a while longer. I’m not sure if I am ready to share my secrets. I’m not sure if I am ready to be that open with anyone.

I am afraid to get close to anyone because change is terrifying to me. I am used to being single. I know how to handle the loneliness by now. But I have no idea how to sustain a strong relationship. I have no idea how to date. It would be new territory for me. It would thrust me outside of my comfort zone. I might not be entirely happy right now, but at least I am comfortable.

I am afraid to get close to anyone because my expectations are relatively low. I do not have high hopes for humanity. I expect others to lie directly to my face. I expect them to sneak around behind my back. I expect them to walk away after a certain amount of time.

I have trouble imagining anyone committing themselves to me for eternity. I cannot fathom why anyone would choose me over the rest of their options. My insecurities keep reminding me there are smarter people, prettier people, more interesting people. There is no reason to pick me. It would not make any sense.

I am afraid to get close to anyone because the more I gain, the more I have to lose. The more I tell someone, the more ammo they have to hurt me.

I am afraid to get close to anyone, but I wish that weren’t the case. I wish I walked around with my heart on my sleeve. I wish I had the strength to leave my comfort zone and let my walls down. I wish I was more open to love.

Even though I am terrified of opening up at the moment, I am going to work on lowering my guard a few inches each day. I am going to make an effort to reach out to more people and am going to ignore the temptation to run away. I do not want to be afraid forever. I want to put myself out there. I want to experience love.