How To Chase Him

Like his selfies, but make sure you do not like too many in a row because it will be obvious you have been stalking his page. Leave comments beneath certain posts but only if you can come up with something witty enough to make him laugh aloud. Overthink every single interaction you have with him because the tiniest slip-up could make the difference between turning him into your official boyfriend and spending the rest of your life alone and miserable.

When you are worried you might run into him, even if it will only be for a five minute span where he will barely look at you, make sure to spend hours on your hair and makeup. Look as perfect as possible for him — and when you struggle to swoop your eye liner in a perfect arc or keep your flyaways tamed, cry your eyes out. Criticize yourself. Tell yourself you are never going to be good enough for him. Compare yourself to every other girl you have seen him interact with since you met.

Text him first because you are secure enough to make the first move, but spend an hour gathering up the courage beforehand. Type out the words and erase them. Type and erase, type and erase, until you finally hit send and then throw your phone across the room because you are terrified of how he might respond.

When you finally capture his attention, when you land a first date with him or convince him to watch movies back at your apartment, ignore how much of a struggle it is to have a comfortable conversation. Ignore the awkwardness. Ignore the annoying voice in the back of your head saying, “This is it? This is what I spent so long trying to achieve? This is the person I thought was miles out of my league? This is the person I spent time crying over?”

After a while, after you see the parts of himself you were blinded by during your crush phase, realize he was never worth the effort in the first place. Realize you wasted hours of your time trying to impress someone who should have been trying to impress you. Realize the fact that you had to chase him, the fact that the relationship was one-sided to begin with, was a bad sign. Realize you deserve someone who sees your worth from the first time you lock eyes, from the first time you swap numbers, not someone you have to trick into liking you too.

In the end, decide you are happier without a relationship. Look back on all of the crazy ways you tried to get his attention and laugh about how naive you were. Wonder how you ever could have been so crazy over a boy and promise yourself you are never going to doubt yourself over a one-sided love again. Promise yourself you are never going to let a stinging heart convince you to mistreat yourself because you are more than enough.