I’m Trying To Become A Better Person — But There Are Speed Bumps

I'm Trying To Become A Better Person -- But There Are Speed Bumps
Unsplash / Daniel Monteiro

I am self-conscious. I am insecure. There are a million things I would love to change about myself and instead of complaining about them, I am working on changing them.

I have been trying to break my bad habits. I have been reaching outside of my comfort zone as often as possible. I have been saying nice things about myself into the mirror and smiling at strangers. I have been dedicating more time and energy into my self-growth than I ever have before.

Instead of hating myself for what I have done in the past, I have been looking at the mistakes I have made as learning experiences, as warnings to choose a different path the next time. I have been doing my best to ignore the ghosts from my past and focus on what is waiting for me in my future.

Lately, I am being kinder to myself and I am being kinder to others. I am training myself to think positive. I am pushing away my worst scenario thoughts and seeing the silver lining.

I am on a journey of enhancement. I am trying desperately to become a better person — but there have been speed bumps along the way.

Even though I have been trying my hardest to do the right thing, there are days when I feel like I am failing miserably. There are days when I wonder whether there is something deeply wrong with me, whether there is no fixing what is broken inside me.

I hold onto hope as hard as I can, but there are still moments when I lose my grip. Moments when I feel hopeless. Moments when I am tempted to give up on myself, to accept this is the way I am and there is no cure.

However, I cannot let those days, those doubts, those fears get me down. Even when I feel like I have tumbled back a few steps, I cannot let those setbacks prevent me from trying again, from getting back up and getting my shit back together.

I do not have to make the same mistakes tomorrow as I made yesterday. I do not have to repeat history. Messing up once does not negate all of the hard work I have put in during the days leading up to my error.

I am allowed to screw up once in a while. I am allowed to do the wrong thing. I am allowed to be disappointed in myself.

In fact, it is actually a good thing if I am disappointed in myself because that means my morals are still in line. That means I know what kind of person I want to be. That means I can push myself to do better in the future.

Even though there are moments of weakness when I wonder if trying to improve myself is pointless, I know I can become a better person. I just have to keep trying. I can never give up on myself even if it feels like everyone else already has. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

Start Now

More From Thought Catalog