I Am Not Going To Keep Quiet To Make You More Comfortable

I Am Not Going To Keep Quiet To Make You More Comfortable
Unsplash / Nicola Fioravanti

I am sick of feeling like I need to tiptoe around everyone else when they are perfectly fine stomping all over me. I am tired of apologizing to people who should really be apologizing to me.

I am not going to shrink myself into a corner anymore. I am not going to bite my tongue to keep the mood light. I am not going to pretend I am okay when the voice in my head is shouting at me to say something. I am not going to be the chill one, the happy-go-lucky one, the one who always wears a smile and never gets angry about anything. I have a right to be angry. I have a right to be furious.

My emotions should not be discarded. They should be heard. They should be respected.

Moving forward, I am not going to keep quiet when someone offends me in order to avoid offending them back. I am not going to let it slide when someone hurts me to come across as cool. I am not going to let someone get away with murder in order to avoid conflict. Those days are behind me.

I don’t care about coming across as impolite anymore because my purpose is not to make the lives of others easier. I should not force myself to walk on eggshells around immature, ignorant people who do not deserve such kindness.

Even though I have spent a lifetime worrying more about the happiness of the people surrounding me than my own happiness, even though the only thing I want is to blend in and be accepted, I should never hold myself back from fighting for what I believe is right.

I am not interested in drama. I do not want to cause a scene. I do not want to ruin friendships. I do not want to ruin fun nights out. But when the time comes for me to speak my mind, I am not going to let the moment pass me by. I am not going to stand in the background and watch someone disrespect me or my values or my community.

Even though raising my voice can be scary, I am no longer worried about whether I will be considered a moody bitch. I have a right to add to the conversation. I am allowed to speak up when someone crosses a boundary.

I am not going to keep quiet to make you more comfortable. I am not going to refrain from calling you out because it might turn the conversation awkward. Either way, the situation is already uncomfortable for me — so why should I worry about your feelings when you have already hurt mine? Why should I be careful about how I react to you when you clearly haven’t minded the way you have been acting around me?

I am tired of keeping my lips smashed together while my heart is screaming for justice. I am sick of letting others get away with their bullshit. It’s time for that to end. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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