I was warned about getting into a relationship with a friend. I was warned about the possibility of losing you, but I thought you were worth the risk. I thought our chemistry would help us last. I had faith we were going to stay together.
Back then, the thought of being only your friend made me heart ache. I liked you too much and it seemed like we made sense together. It seemed like a relationship was a good idea.
But now, I’m wondering whether I made the worst mistake of my life. I’m wondering whether our failed relationship is going to make it impossible to sustain our friendship. I’m worried I really am going to lose you.
Every time I text you or hang out with you in person, I feel like I am balancing on a tightrope. I don’t want to act too distant because I don’t want to offend you. But I don’t want to be overly friendly either. I don’t want it to seem like I’m flirting because that would be inappropriate.
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act around you. Can I still text you first thing in the morning? Or should I try to space out our texts and leave you alone? Is it okay to hug you hello? Or should we stop touching altogether? I’m trying to figure out the rules.
We have been trying our hardest to make our friendship last and it has already been difficult. I don’t know what’s going to happen once one of us starts dating again. Would it be weird if I mentioned a new boyfriend to you? Or would it be weirder if I purposely avoided the subject of dating and kept you in the dark?
I definitely wouldn’t want to hear about the new girl you’re hooking up with, the girl who is taking my place, the girl who you could end up loving more than me. Seeing you together would hurt too much. I wouldn’t be able to go on double dates with you. I wouldn’t be able to look at pictures on social media. I wouldn’t even be able to hear your stories about her without feeling sick.
I miss our relationship, but I also miss our friendship before the relationship. I miss being able to talk to you about anything. I miss feeling comfortable when you were in the room.
Now that we’re broken up, everything has changed between us. I wish things could return to the way they were before we shared our first kiss, before we went on our first date, before we had our first fight. I wish we could hang out without the awkward silence and sexual tension. I wish we could act normal around each other again — but I don’t know if that is ever going to happen.
We were such close friends before dating, but now that we are broken up, I don’t know if we can be friends again. I don’t know if things will ever be the same between us.