I’m Not Your Backup Plan

I'm Not Your Backup Plan
Unsplash / Alina Kovalchuk

I’m not the person you snapchat at the last second when you want to get wasted and cannot find anyone else to keep you company. I’m not the person you string along with promises of hanging out over the weekend until a better opportunity comes along and you cancel plans. I’m not your just in case.

If you only text me when you are lonely and leave my texts unanswered when you are occupied with other people, I’m going to notice what you’re doing. I’m going to figure out you only want me around when no one else is paying attention to you. I’m going to know exactly what your intentions are with me.

I’m not going to jump at the opportunity to hang out with you at the last second because you can schedule plans with me ahead of time if you want to see me that badly. I’m not going to fall for your lines about how much you miss me when you only contact me on rare occasions. I’m not going to be the one who makes you feel better about yourself when you have no problem making me feel like second best.

Effort is not a one-sided thing for me. I will give as much as I am given. If you are expecting me to get excited every time you acknowledge my existence, it is never going to happen. You don’t get to pick and choose when I matter to you. I’m not interested in chasing after someone unavailable half the time.

I’m not going to hang out on your conditions. I’m not going to wait until you are in the mood to talk to have a conversation with you. You don’t get to set the terms of our relationship. If you expect me to answer your texts and visit when you ask, then you have to do the same.

It’s not unreasonable for me to expect an answer to my texts. It’s not unfair for me to hold you to the same standards you hold me.

If you like me, if you are serious about me, then I would happily hang out with you. I would happily place you as a priority and shower you with all the attention you need — but I want to be your equal. I want us to be on the same page. I don’t want to be running after you while you are looking in another direction. I don’t want to be reaching for something unobtainable.

If you are inconsistent with me, if you only talk to me when the girl you like better is busy, then you are not going to hear back from me. You are going to wonder where I’ve gone and the answer is somewhere I am appreciated. 

I’m not your backup plan. I’m not the person who will always be waiting for you no matter how long it takes. I’m not that stupid and I’m not that desperate. My standards are higher than that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

Keep up with Holly on Instagram, Twitter and Amazon

More From Thought Catalog