I Hate That Caring About You Makes Me Look ‘Clingy’

I Hate That Caring About You Makes Me Look 'Clingy'
Unsplash / Savitri Wendt

Don’t send the first text too many times. Don’t like too many photos in a row. Don’t put in more effort than you are getting in return. 

I suck at following modern dating rules because I care too much and I have no filter. If I have feelings for someone, it’s only a matter of time until they are going to know. I cannot keep my emotions quiet. It’s too tempting to follow my heart. I’m unable to ignore it, to lie to myself about what I want, to raise my guard like other people do.

I can come across as too much because of the way I express myself. But I am not going to change my entire personality to seem more desirable. I am not going to start censoring my words when I would rather choose authenticity.

I shouldn’t have to worry about freaking someone out by treating them with kindness. I shouldn’t have to worry about texting first or remembering their birthday or liking too many of their posts in a row. I shouldn’t feel pressured to act like an asshole because being nice will make me seem desperate and clingy and intimidating.

I shouldn’t have to hold myself back from laughing at jokes or liking photographs or telling someone I cannot stop thinking about how much they mean to me. I am not the kind of person who keeps her thoughts to herself. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Words escape my lips before I can think them through.

I’m not sorry about my lack of restraint. I’m not going to apologize for being a genuine person.

I want to give out compliments. I want to look you in the eyes and talk about all the things I love about you. I want to make you feel better about yourself because this world is a dark place and we need more light.

I wish more people would smile at strangers and make internet friends and tell their crushes how they feel. I am all about giving ego boosts because I never want anyone to feel as insecure as me.

I hate that actually giving a shit about you makes me seem clingy. I hate that people get weirded out when I am kind to them because they are used to getting disrespected and ghosted and tossed aside.

It shouldn’t be such a strange thing to hear me admit I care about you. I shouldn’t be considered a psycho for speaking my mind. I should be applauded for how open I am with my heart, not criticized.

I don’t see the point in pretending someone special means nothing to me. I don’t want to make them wait for a text back. I don’t want to withhold compliments from them. I don’t want to make them feel bad about themselves. I want to be a reason they feel better about themselves.

I hate that caring makes me come across as clingy — but if that’s the worst thing someone is going to call me, I’m fine with that. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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Image Credit: Unsplash / Savitri Wendt

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