I Hate That Caring About You Makes Me Look ‘Clingy’

Don’t send the first text too many times. Don’t like too many photos in a row. Don’t put in more effort than you are getting in return. 

I suck at following modern dating rules because I care too much and I have no filter. If I have feelings for someone, it’s only a matter of time until they are going to know. I cannot keep my emotions quiet. It’s too tempting to follow my heart. I’m unable to ignore it, to lie to myself about what I want, to raise my guard like other people do.

I can come across as too much because of the way I express myself. But I am not going to change my entire personality to seem more desirable. I am not going to start censoring my words when I would rather choose authenticity.

I shouldn’t have to worry about freaking someone out by treating them with kindness. I shouldn’t have to worry about texting first or remembering their birthday or liking too many of their posts in a row. I shouldn’t feel pressured to act like an asshole because being nice will make me seem desperate and clingy and intimidating.

I shouldn’t have to hold myself back from laughing at jokes or liking photographs or telling someone I cannot stop thinking about how much they mean to me. I am not the kind of person who keeps her thoughts to herself. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Words escape my lips before I can think them through.

I’m not sorry about my lack of restraint. I’m not going to apologize for being a genuine person.

I want to give out compliments. I want to look you in the eyes and talk about all the things I love about you. I want to make you feel better about yourself because this world is a dark place and we need more light.

I wish more people would smile at strangers and make internet friends and tell their crushes how they feel. I am all about giving ego boosts because I never want anyone to feel as insecure as me.

I hate that actually giving a shit about you makes me seem clingy. I hate that people get weirded out when I am kind to them because they are used to getting disrespected and ghosted and tossed aside.

It shouldn’t be such a strange thing to hear me admit I care about you. I shouldn’t be considered a psycho for speaking my mind. I should be applauded for how open I am with my heart, not criticized.

I don’t see the point in pretending someone special means nothing to me. I don’t want to make them wait for a text back. I don’t want to withhold compliments from them. I don’t want to make them feel bad about themselves. I want to be a reason they feel better about themselves.

I hate that caring makes me come across as clingy — but if that’s the worst thing someone is going to call me, I’m fine with that.