I Cannot Keep Forgiving You

I Cannot Keep Forgiving You
Unsplash / James Kresser

I can’t keep forgiving you. It’s time for me to stop worrying about your feelings and start focusing on my own.

Whenever you hurt me, I do my part by accepting your apologies, but you never do your part by changing your behavior. You keep making the same mistakes over and over again. By now, I cannot even consider them mistakes. They are conscious choices. You are choosing to hurt me. You are choosing to repeat behavior you know upsets me.

I cannot keep forgiving you because you break every promise you make. You swear you are going to act differently, you swear you are never going to let me down again, and then you do the opposite. The only time you are nice to me is when you are worried about losing me. When you feel confident about me sticking around, you go right back to hurting me.

I cannot keep forgiving you because you are clearly not sorry for what you have put me through. Your apologies seem authentic in the moment, but you are only telling me what I want to hear. You are trying to talk your way back into my good graces. If hurting me genuinely hurt you, then you would have fixed things by now. You wouldn’t have made them worse each and every time.

I cannot keep forgiving you because the trust between us has been broken beyond repair. I can act like I am completely fine and try to move forward, but I am never going to forget the past. There is always going to be a part of me that remembers and resents what you have done. We can never erase our painful history. We can never come back from it, no matter how hard we try.

I cannot keep forgiving you because every time I offer you another chance I am basically giving you permission to hurt me in the same exact way again.

I cannot keep forgiving you because you are going to take advantage of me for as long as I let you. You are never going to change your ways. You are going to repeat the cycle of hurting me, begging me to take you back, and mistreating me again. You are not going to stop this circle of heartache — which leaves me to do the dirty work.

At this point, I cannot blame anyone but myself for sticking around. You have shown me your true self. Whenever I give you another chance I know exactly what I am getting myself into. If I let you hurt me again, it is partially my fault for staying. So I cannot stay for any longer.

I need to leave you. I need to walk away without guilt pulling me back into your arms. I hope you let me do that. I hope you do not kick and scream when you see me packing my bags because leaving is not going to be easy on me. I don’t need you to make it even more difficult. TC mark

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