I am slowly learning to accept I will never have complete closure. I will never know your exact reasons for stringing me along for such a long time and then deserting me. I will never get the chance (or work up the courage) to ask you all of the questions that have been haunting me since you left.
Even though I don’t want to move on from you, even though I wish our love story could have ended differently, I am slowly learning to accept whatever existed between us is in the past. There is no future for us. We are never going to date. It doesn’t matter how many signals you once gave me that made me believe you liked me back. It doesn’t matter how completely and utterly convinced I was that we were meant to be together.
I am slowly learning to accept my feelings are unrequited. It’s become clear you don’t want me. It’s obvious you don’t like me with the same intensity that I have always liked you. That is why it’s time for me to forget about you, even though you have been the only thing on my mind lately. I’ve been having trouble thinking about anything else.
I am slowly learning to accept my heartache. I have stopped telling myself I’m fine. I have stopped pretending you meant nothing to me since we never technically dated. I am being honest with myself. I have admitted how much I liked you and that you have managed to break my heart. That is the first step toward healing.
I am slowly learning to accept that you don’t text me anymore. It’s better for me to keep my distance from you anyway. It will be easier for me to get over you that way. I won’t be able to continue chasing after you if you aren’t around. I will be forced to put our almost relationship behind me.
I am slowly learning to accept you don’t owe me anything. Not a relationship. Not an explanation. Not even an apology. Even though you led me on, even though you knew you were going to end up crushing me, you were allowed to walk away. You were allowed to break my heart. That doesn’t mean I forgive you. It only means I can accept it.
As much as it hurts now that you are gone, I wouldn’t have wanted you to stay with me when the feelings were one-sided. I wouldn’t have wanted you to feel like you were settling. I wouldn’t have wanted to be placed in a position where I was the only one who cared.
I want someone who is excited about taking me on dates and seeing my name on their phone screen and kissing me for the first time. I want someone who wants me.
I am slowly learning to accept we are never going to date. You are never going to be mine. And that is okay. It turns out we don’t belong together anyway.