How To Love A Skeptic

How To Love A Skeptic
Unsplash / Allison Heine

I don’t know whether I believe in soulmates. I don’t know whether I believe in true love. I don’t know whether I believe in relationships that last.

I am a skeptic. I never expect the best. I wait for the worst.

I assume relationships are going to end in fire and flames. I assume marriages are going to end in divorce. I assume couples are going to grow to resent each other. I assume someone is going to cheat or walk away without a warning. I assume everyone who falls in love is bound to have their heart broken — or do the breaking themselves.

I have a fear of commitment. I have trouble trusting. I never allow myself to become too comfortable with another human being because I am aware their feelings could change at any time. They could find someone better than me. They could desert me out of the blue. They could decide they aren’t in the mood for a serious relationship after all and would rather stay friends.

It’s rare for me to put myself out there. I usually hide my emotions. I have a habit of pushing people away as soon as they get close to me.

But every once in a while, I will take a chance on someone. I will leap into love. I will risk everything — but only for the right person.

If you’re going to date a skeptic like me, you have to accept my baggage. I am not going to turn around after dating you for a few weeks and suddenly decide commitment doesn’t scare me anymore. I need you to understand where my trust issues come from. I cannot have you guilt tripping me when it takes me a little too long to say I love you or to agree to move in together. I need to set the pace myself. I am going to feel suffocated if you try to rush me into a situation before I’m fully comfortable.

If you’re going to date a skeptic like me, you cannot expect me to make promises I cannot possibly keep. I’m not going to promise you we will stay together forever. I am not going to swear I will never hurt you because I cannot predict the future. I am going to take the relationship one day at a time. I am going to be focusing more on the present than the future because there is no telling what tomorrow will bring, let alone ten years.

If you’re going to date a skeptic like me, you cannot take my issues personally. You cannot feel like it’s your fault, like you have been doing something wrong, whenever I make a snide comment about soulmates or talk about how I’m not sure whether I ever want to get married. You have to see where I am coming from. You have to be okay with my uncertainty about love. I might change my mind eventually, but it will take a long time. I have a lot of things to sort through first.

If you’re going to date a skeptic like me, you have to stay patient, because I am not going to jump into forever on a whim. TC mark

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