I’m scared of commitment because nothing lasts forever. There are friends I swore were going to remain in my world until we were old and grey who ended up abandoning me. There are family members I assumed would keep in touch throughout the years but we grew distant as I aged. Everything is different now. My life is filled with a completely different arrangement of people.
I’m scared of commitment because the worst feeling in the world is disappointment. I don’t want to be blindsided by a breakup or a cheating boyfriend. I don’t want to wake up one day and discover everything beautiful in my world was a lie. I don’t want to feel gullible, discarded, foolish, used. I don’t want to feel like my entire life is suddenly in shambles, just because one person walked away.
I’m scared of commitment because my happiness never seems to last. Whenever I reach a point where I am comfortable, where I finally feel like I am on the right path and have no problems to stress me out, I’m met with bad news. My good moods are only temporary. The world never gives me what I want without taking away something else.
I’m scared of commitment because there is no telling what I will want tomorrow. My mind changes on a dime. I’m not the same person today as two years ago or even two months ago. I am in a perpetual state of growth. I am constantly learning more about myself and rediscovering myself.
I’m scared of commitment because my peers might consider me an adult but I still feel like a little kid. I feel way too young to make such a life-altering decision. I’m not ready for marriage. I’m not ready for another major milestone. I feel like I’m too young to settle down. I don’t want to be the first one of my friends with an engagement ring and a house filled with baby toys. I want to be the last, so at least I know I’m ready. So at least I know I’m not rushing into things.
I’m scared of commitment because even couples who seem like they were made for each other end up breaking up. Soulmates split apart. Best friends stop talking. Half of marriages end in divorce and then half of the ones that last are unhappy ones. I don’t want to become another statistic. I don’t want to jump into a relationship that has a high percentage of ending. I don’t want to go through all that trouble for nothing.
I’m scared of commitment because no one is perfect. I could find someone who makes me happy, someone who I trust to never hurt me, but there is always going to be a chance they will hurt me. There is always going to be a possibility our relationship will crumble. I cannot take that kind of pain. I don’t believe it’s better to have loved and lost. I would rather never love in the first place.