Chasing Him Is A Stupid Decision

Chasing Him Is A Stupid Decision
Unsplash / Sarah x Sharp

Chasing him would be stupid.

Chasing him would be a mistake.

Chasing him would be the worst decision I could make.

But I am going to do it anyway.

Whenever I develop feelings for someone, common sense flies out the window. I have no self-control. I listen to the pull of my heart over whatever warnings are flashing in my brain.

I am not good at controlling myself. Temptation always gets the best of me.

When I want something, I cannot stop thinking about what it would feel like to win. I cannot rest until I have either gotten what I wanted or completely embarrassed myself while trying.

I might come across as stupid and spontaneous, but I know what I am doing. Half of the time, I realize sending a certain text or showing up at a certain place is a bad idea, but I do it anyway.

When it comes to keeping my dignity, I have a poor track record. I keep making promises to myself that get broken a few days (or maybe even hours) later. I tell myself I won’t try to get back together with my ex and then I end up at his apartment. I tell myself I won’t bother with the guy who keeps ignoring my messages and then I send him another text anyway. I tell myself I won’t let myself get hurt again and then I put myself in a position to have my heart shattered.

I always end up disappointing myself. I end up doing the wrong thing, even though I know it’s wrong.

Then again, there’s another part of me that doesn’t regret chasing after what I want. Even if I end up making a fool of myself, at least I tried. I would rather know whether or not someone is interested in me for sure than guess, even if that means getting rejected face-to-face. I would rather see what happens when I get involved with someone I think is cute than spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had made a different choice.

Maybe it’s okay to chase after what I want, even though there is a high chance things aren’t going to turn out the way I hope. Maybe it’s okay to take a leap of faith and find out what happens. Maybe it’s okay to discover something I want and admit it’s what I want.

I know there is a chance my heart is going to get broken if I resume my chase. This time probably won’t be any different than the last time I got hurt. I’m not living in some fantasy land where heartbreak is an impossibility. I realize chasing him is the last thing I should do. Chasing him is certain to end in disaster. Chasing him is a stupid decision.

But I am going to do it anyway. I don’t know how to stop myself. I don’t even know if I want to. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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Image Credit: Unsplash / Sarah x Sharp

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