You Say You Love Me (But I Don’t Believe You)

Whenever you screw up, you use those three little words like an excuse. You act like nothing you do matters, like none of the pain counts, because you love me. You act like I should offer you forgiveness because you love me. You act like I should be okay with all of the horrible things you have said and done to me over the years because you love me. 

I don’t give a fuck about whether or not you love me. I care about whether you respect me enough to be honest with me, to stay faithful to me, to place me as a priority. I care about whether you show the love you supposedly feel for me.

If you love me, then act like it. Get your shit together. Act like an adult. Stop making the same mistakes repeatedly and expecting me to be okay with that.

Don’t throw I love you in my face whenever I am smart enough to ignore your messages or to call you out on your bullshit or head for the door. Don’t guilt trip me. Don’t play the victim when everybody knows you are the villain in this story.

You are passed the point of redemption. You have made unforgivable mistakes. You have done things I am never going to forgive you for, no matter how many times you try to talk me into giving you another chance.

You can keep telling me how much you love me, but at this point, I have stopped believing you. Either you have no idea how to show your feelings properly or you are lying when you tell me you care about me.

If you actually loved me, then you would change your ways. You would stop screwing up. You would stop feeling sorry for yourself. You would stop acting like you are helpless and you would force yourself to grow, to mature, to develop into someone who has earned a spot in my world.

If you actually loved me, then you wouldn’t have such nasty things to say about me over text. You wouldn’t have initiated fights when you knew you were the one in the wrong. You wouldn’t have looked me dead in the eyes and lied to me time and time again. You wouldn’t have been able to live with yourself after seeing me fall apart because of you. 

If you actually loved me, then you never would have treated me like this. You never would have allowed things to become so tense between us. You never would have made me scream until I lost my voice or cry until my contacts drooped from my eyes.

If you loved me, then you wouldn’t have made me feel this way.

So if you care about me, even half as much as you claim you do, stop saying you love me. Stop saying anything at all. I don’t want to hear another word from you. I don’t want anything to do with you.