I feel insecure because even when I feel like I have developed a connection with someone, even when I genuinely believe our relationship could last more than a few weeks, I am thrown off guard by mixed messages. I will have my texts ignored, but I will have my stories watched. My good morning messages will be left unanswered, but my drunken texts will be answered within five minutes.
Modern dating makes me more insecure because of the bullshit I see on social media. I can tell when someone I’ve been seeing, someone who seems authentically interested in me and ready to commit, leaves likes on pictures of other pretty girls or when they leave inappropriate, flirtatious comments beneath an ex’s status. Micro-cheating has gained popularity because it can happen with a click of a button. And I can’t even complain about it because it seems too childish, too petty.
Modern dating makes me more insecure because it’s so easy to swipe a finger and find someone excited to meet you. I feel like no one is ever going to waste their time putting in effort to pursue me when they have a million other people at their fingertips. I feel like there is no point in settling for me when they could continue exploring their options late into their thirties.
Modern dating makes me more insecure because every time I open Instagram, I am bombarded with pictures of beautiful, successful women. I support them. I am proud of them. I hope they are living their best lives. But at the same time, they inadvertently make me feel like shit. Like a failure. Like there is something inherently wrong with me. I can’t stop myself from comparing my beauty and my milestones to theirs.
Modern dating makes me feel insecure because ghosting has become commonplace. I never know why someone has lost interest in me. I never receive closure. I just wait and wait for them to talk to me until one day I realize they are never going to talk to me again. It’s confusing. It’s infuriating. It makes me wonder whether I should be doing something differently.
Modern dating makes me feel insecure because it seems rare for relationships to last. Couples get together and break up in a matter of months. They cheat. They lie. They manipulate. I guess it has always been this way, even back in the olden days everyone wishes we could return to, but with the help of social media, it’s more in your face. It’s harder to ignore. It’s easier to think nothing lasts.
Modern dating makes me feel insecure because it’s so easy to be fooled into thinking true love is a lie and one-night stands are slowly starting to replace committed relationships. However, I know that is not entirely true. I know there are other people out there who are searching for the same lifelong love as I am. I know I am going to find my forever one day. I just have to keep hoping.