I Walked Away Because You Didn’t Want Anything Serious

I Walked Away Because You Didn't Want Anything Serious
Collective World

I wanted to date you. I wanted to be your girlfriend. But it didn’t take me long to realize that was never going to happen.

At first, I was fine with the idea of keeping things casual. I wanted to be with you so desperately that I decided I would let you walk over me. I would let you use me. I would let you have your way as long as it meant I got to spend a few more nights sleeping next to you.

I thought the pain was worth getting to know you better. I ignored the friends who warned me you were going to break my heart — not because I thought they were wrong, but because I didn’t care if you shattered me into pieces. None of that mattered. Being with you was the only thing that mattered.

When we were together, I was happy, even though I knew it would only be temporary. Even though I knew you would end up ignoring me in the morning.

And when you acted distant, when you stopped answering my texts for a few days because you were busy with someone else, I would cry alone in my bedroom, thinking about how we were never going to get together. I would complain to my friends about how you were the only thing I wanted. I would allow my insecurities to overrun my thoughts.

I walked away because you didn’t want anything serious. Because I could not handle being this close to dating you, but falling short. Because you never gave me what I wanted, but you teased me with it.

As much as you want to defend yourself by saying I knew how you felt from the start, that you never wanted a serious relationship, you dangled girlfriend in front of my face. You made it seem like you were considering settling down with me. You gave me a million signals.

I stayed with you for longer than I should have because I thought your feelings for me were growing stronger. I thought you were going to decide I was worth the risk of falling in love. I thought our chemistry meant something.

I walked away because the effort tilted too far to one side. I couldn’t be the person initiating every conversation and planning every hangout session (aside from the times when you would text me at two in the morning, asking me to come over).

I didn’t walk away from you because I stopped having feelings for you. I didn’t walk away because I found someone better.

I walked away because you didn’t want anything serious. Because you made it obvious I was only your backup plan. Because you didn’t think I was good enough to date. Because I was able to be your sometimes for a little while, but I couldn’t do it for any longer. I couldn’t keep looking at you like you meant everything to me when I could tell I meant close to nothing to you.

I walked away because the little amount you gave me wasn’t good enough for me. Casual wasn’t good enough for me. I needed something more. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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