I Stopped Acting Like I Care, But I Secretly Still Do

I Stopped Acting Like I Care, But I Secretly Still Do
God & Man

I feel like wearing my heart on my sleeve has always backfired on me. Being so forgiving has made me a target for narcissists, liars, and cheaters. My kindness has been mistaken for weakness one too many times.

I am sick of getting screwed over because people feel like they can take advantage of me and get away with it. I don’t want to be the nice girl anymore. I want to be the girl no one fucks with. The girl who gets what she wants and does not take crap from anyone.

That is why I hide my feelings now. I act like I don’t care about anyone or anything other than myself. I put on an act to protect myself.

Instead of admitting when I have strong feelings for someone, I use sarcasm as a shield. I will make jokes to cover up the way I really feel. I have placed a wall around my heart to keep out intruders.

Even when you mean the world to me, even when I am secretly dying to start a serious relationship with you, I will act like you mean nothing to me. I will push you away. I will take forever to answer your texts. I will distance myself from you.

I come across as cold, but it’s only because I am terrified of getting hurt again. I don’t want to let someone into my world, grow to trust them and to love them, and then have them break me into pieces after everything is said and done. I don’t want to go through that kind of pain again. I’m not sure if my heart can handle it.

After all of the heartaches I have endured, I feel like the only way to stop history from repeating itself is to alter my own behavior. That is why I act like I couldn’t care less about anyone. I act like I am only looking out for myself. I act like I am heartless.

But that is far from the truth.

I am still sensitive. I still cry myself to sleep some nights. I still care deeply about my loved ones. I still experience a roller coaster of emotions. I still give a shit about what other people think of me and whether my feelings are returned, even though I desperately wish I did not.

The only difference between then and now is that I cry behind closed doors now. I never let anyone know when I am hurting. I pretend nothing bothers me. I pretend I am immune to rejection and exes and almosts. I put on a show for the world, but when I am all alone in the middle of the night, I am the same exact girl I have always been.

I stopped acting like I care, but I still secretly do. Nothing has changed. I am always going to love with abandon. I am always going to fall hard. I am always going to have the softest heart. TC mark

250+ Questions To Ask A Girl If You Want To Know Who She REALLY Is

What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die?

What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?

Do you screenshot the sweet texts that people send you? What is the last one you’ve received?

What would make you leave someone you love?

Is there anything about me as a person or my behaviors that you question?

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