It didn’t matter how many times you ignored my messages. I would be embarrassed about how distant you were acting at first. I would swear to never give you another chance. But when you eventually texted me again, I would forget about the promises I made to myself. I would go right back to wanting you.
It didn’t matter how many days you went missing in action or how many other girls I caught you flirting with from across the room, because I kept telling myself you were worth the trouble.
I convinced myself things would change once we got together. Once we became an official couple, you would stop looking at other girls. You would stop keeping secrets and acting so mysterious. You would stop disappearing at the drop of a hat and treat me the way I always deserved.
Of course, we never got together. You never asked me out. You never admitted your feelings for me.
Looking back, I should have walked away from you much earlier. I should have realized you were only playing games with my heart. You were not seriously interested in dating me.
In fact, you made it pretty clear we were never going to become a couple by canceling plans on me and ignoring my messages for days on end. I should have seen the signs, but I was too excited about the possibility of getting together with you. I wanted it to happen so badly that I fooled myself into believing you felt the same way.
When I told my friends about you, I would never mention the messages you ignored. I would only talk about the times when you answered, when you complimented me, when you said something cute.
I read your mixed signals the wrong way. Instead of seeing them as a warning you were only interested in me as a fling or a friend, I thought they were a sign you felt the same way but were too shy to say so.
It seems stupid now, but I liked you, even though you sent mixed signals that made me question my worth. Even though you kept me up at night, waiting for texts that were never going to arrive.
I gave you a million chances, because I refused to walk away from the idea of us. I never gave up on you, because I thought you would eventually see how much I was doing for you, how much I cared about you.
I really liked you, even though you ignored me, but I am never going to make that mistake again.
From now on, I am not going to chase after someone who picks and chooses when to answer my texts. I am going to wait for someone who puts substantial effort into our relationship so I am not the only one trying. I am going to hold out for a person who feels just as strongly about me and shows it every single day in every single way.