I don’t want to text you too many times in a row. I don’t want to be the only one initiating conversations, either. I feel like you should take charge for a change. You should be coming up with a topic, you should be reaching out to me, you should be making me feel wanted so the relationship (or whatever this is between us) doesn’t tilt to one side.
I wish you would text me already so I wouldn’t have to worry about whether you have been thinking of me too. I wish you would make your feelings obvious. I wish you would stop holding yourself back.
Even though we have good conversations, even though it seems like you are always excited to hear from me, I’m worried about sending the first text again. I don’t want to look like you are the only thing on my mind, even though it’s the truth. I don’t want to come across as desperate when I am hoping you will see me as desirable.
Maybe I am overthinking things, maybe I shouldn’t worry about something as silly as a text, but I am worried about coming on too strong. I don’t want to annoy you. I don’t want to be the only one trying.
If you aren’t texting me, then I should take that as a sign that you don’t want to talk to me. Or at least that you are too busy to talk.
Even though I should probably leave you alone, I have been struggling to ignore the temptation to text you again. But at the same time, I want to talk to you. I want to joke around with you. I want to flirt with you. I have been dying to hear from you.
Why should I hold myself back from starting a conversation with you when it would make me happy? Why should I keep my distance from you when it is going to make me miserable? Why should I bother playing by the rules of a modern dating game I don’t even believe in?
I want to talk to you and I’m not sure how much longer I can wait for you to send the first text. I know I’m going to give in soon, because the thought of not hearing from you makes me sick to my stomach.
That could be a bad sign. It could mean that you are not as invested in me as I am in you. It could mean we are on completely separate pages. After all, if it’s this hard for me to go a few days without talking to you, but you are able to last weeks without it bothering you, then you clearly don’t care about me as much as I care about you.
Maybe I should give up on you. Or maybe I should keep trying. I haven’t figured that out yet.
I don’t know why I’m making such a big deal over whether or not to send a text, but whenever your name appears on my screen, it feels like a big deal. It feels like everything is okay again.